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Overwhelmation (yep made up word) - a world of possibility
Overwhelmation (yep made up word)
Ok, So I'm going to try and be objective about this, but it will be long.
Yep it is, quite long.

First cheez (funny since I JUST watched this Fri)

You're the Female Cenobite known
as Terri.You too like pinnhead came
to earth to bring down souls to torture,
and also like pinhead you're a pretty
rocking dresser! You also have a nasty
smoking habit!
What Horror Movie Villian am I?

END cheeze

I realize (SP~ I for some odd reason can't spell realise), as much as I hate to make relationship(s) a priority in my life, AKA take up my time and effort with them, I currently have something to deal with, I therefore must take the time to sort it out. It is here in my face, and I can not ignore it. Once I figger things out, it again will be secondary. :)

begin objectivity . . ..

So here is the deal. Mr man has decided to contact me today. He was sick all week. Before I begin my objectivity and both sides of my thinking (which I believe is what works best) I will start off with a conversation I had with a friend who is both unbiased and seems to be not only knowledgable but fairly objective. (Thanks if you even read this).

FRIEND: How's BOY situ. then ?
EBarron589: not sure
EBarron589: LOL
FRIEND: Confused ?
EBarron589: I'm thinking he's going goodbye anyways
FRIEND: So .........
EBarron589: probably the smart thing to do
FRIEND: how did he sound ?
EBarron589: but me is not sure
EBarron589: LOL
FRIEND: well ....... u shud maybe give it a chance, no ?
FRIEND: see how it goes ?
FRIEND: it's only till NY
FRIEND: think of it as an experience !
FRIEND: and you might get to know each other real well !
FRIEND: and then think different
EBarron589: here's the deal: . . .
FRIEND: listening .....
FRIEND: (P.S. - liked the 'pc' flying lessons !:-D)
EBarron589: weekend one, I called friday night, he called me back monday. I explained no games (aka don't not call).
He called me next night (tuesday). Kewl.
Wednesday I called and said hello, I also left a message one day seeing when/if he wanted to get together.
Thur, Fri, Sat, Sun noooo phone calls.
EBarron589: Mon, he IMs me
EBarron589: mon=today
EBarron589: "i've been sick, going to sleep instead of going out all week"
EBarron589: I n=didn't initiate or ask what he's been up to
FRIEND: well .......
EBarron589: so I can . . .
EBarron589: a) sit and have a long talk, explain, this is last chance, this is how I am in a relationship, point of being in one is in order to spend time with the person, not to have someone there for you when you feel like it. Blah blah blah
EBarron589: b) just say "sorry you had your chance"
EBarron589: or c) ask what the hell is up with him
EBarron589: LOL
FRIEND: OK, you ready ?
EBarron589: yep :-)
FRIEND: OK :-) - comin' at ya right now .....
FRIEND: Don't think go for option a), coz although that's the rules in your relationship, you didn't really plan this to be a major RELATIONSHIP, so in a sense those rules shouldn't apply here, plus it might be seen as coming on too strong, when you've only known him a short while. Wait and see how things pan out over the next couple of dates, or weeks, or whatever. ..........
FRIEND: But I'd say give him another chance, just try and accommodate each other's timescales / availability, ands see how much you both like each other.liklty
FRIENDYou might have fun on the next couple of times, and wanna see each other, and .......
FRIENDI will let you know when I've finished (if you haven't already gone to sleep !! LOL) .......
EBarron589: k
EBarron589: I'm not sleeping
FRIEND:thing is .....
FRIEND: guy's (and girls, come to think of it !) often don't wanna get back in touch in case they're seen as too keen, so they sometimes play the old cool routine. And that's hardly a 'game', it's just that everybody's different. Some folk go in like a bull in a china shop, others hate when there's too much keenness, so they do the opposite. Fact is, he did get in touch again AIM, so ...... why not just see each other casually, and you'll soon know how things stand.
FRIEND: He might have played it wrongly so far, but he maybe has other attributes that will make up for that.
FRIEND:OK, think I've finished LOL
FRIEND:but I might throw something in again, who knows :-)
. . . .
FRIEND: so there ya go ........ !
EBarron589: hmmm
FRIEND: I'm lying here now ......... exhausted, having had my brain drained of all it's constructive thought !!!
EBarron589: should I not ask Qs then, LOL
FRIEND: you don't sound as if you're sure what to do ...... see what ya think tomorrow
FRIEND: Yeah, course u shud ask Qs
EBarron589: ok tell me this then, what is the point of dating someone if not to spend time with them?
EBarron589: (there are other Qs, LOL)
FRIEND: You're right - that is the point. But ...........
FRIEND:1. it's too early (only a few dates, isn't it ?) to be full-on, and having to see each other all the time.
FRIEND:2. he maybe does want to see you more often, and has made the mistake of playing the 'cool' thing, and .........
FRIEND:3. no, that was it - there only was really two !! LOL No. 3 was an overlap of No. 1 :-)
EBarron589: we hung out like 3 times, then we started "seeing "each other (?) and went hung out like times since then
EBarron589: :-)
FRIEND: Big Q is - d'ya like him enough to see him again ? If you do, then see him, and don't reject him - otherwise you'd be the one who was playing games, coz you did actually like him. Do you see what I mean ?
FRIEND: and if you don't, then say Thanks, but NO Thanks.
EBarron589: I do, I just am not sure if it is worth the hassle (if I didn't like him i wouldn't have agreed to anything to begin with, LOL)
EBarron589: basically, hmmm, what's the best way to put this, why are guys so dumb?
EBarron589: LOL
FRIEND: Mmmmmmmm ........ how long have u got ? :-D
FRIEND: we're not !
FRIEND: U read the book ? .........
FRIEND: Men r from Mars, Women Venus ?
FRIEND: I haven't, but I do understand the concept
EBarron589: LOL, I red men, women, and relationships, by the same guy
EBarron589: basically, I don't understand why people make things so complicated
EBarron589: either you like someone and want to spend time with them, or you don't
EBarron589: no "playing it cool"
FRIEND: well, no, but to be fair ..... women do play games too !
EBarron589: true
EBarron589: I'm not saying they don't
EBarron589: I'm saying I don't
FRIEND: and although you either like or don't like, ....
EBarron589: The other thing to take into account, actually, I'll wait till you're finished
EBarron589: :-)
FRIEND: there's still the issue of timetables - fitting in with each other's life. You have work & friends & home responsibilities & leisure choices (he likes soccer, you like cinema - type of thing), as well as seeing him, and he has the same- other things beside seeing you. So, guess that's what starts to make it a bit more complex. OK, finished for now - on you go.
FRIEND: WOW - I'm gonna get an essay !
EBarron589: yep :-D
FRIEND: OK, waiting with bated breath !
EBarron589: First, you are absolutely right
2)Friends, can spend time with both the person you are dating and friends (not always, of course there is boys or girls night out, but otherwise, there should at least be an invite)
3)Hobbies, etc. OK, within a week, there should be at the VERY least, one opening to spend time with each other.
4) How do I know that all this other time isn't spent "playing" me ~ as sad as it is to even mention, it is always a possibility unless you know the person really well
5) If after all this discussion I decide to give Mr. Man one last try (I go by the 3 strikes you are out) what do I tell him when I see him, i mean I have to discuss something with him because I won't date anyone if it's gonna be like this, one phone call a week, no effort to spend tike, I mean, there is no point
FRIEND: wow !!!!!!!!! Need a bigger screen ! phone the shop quick !
EBarron589: you can stretch out the screen actually
FRIEND:yeah, done it Ta
FRIEND: OK, well, if he has been 'playing', it may be just 'playing cool' which is kinda allowed in the rules (I don't play, like you, but it's the least type of 'playing' there is, so it's kinda allowed. If you do decide to give it another go, just see when it suits you both to meet. Try and gauge how keen he is - if he only can see you once a week, then make sure he's not messing you about, and seeing other girls. If he's genuinely busy, then you should see how it goes and decide if you want more. You can always be the one to suggest a second or third date of the week. If he constantly says NO, then you need to re-assess. But wait till you get to that point. Don't anticipate it might happen - coz it might not. Just chill, and see how keen you both are. At this stage, just have fun, rather than worry about how often you need to see each other. Just choose something you both like, and go do it. If you're both having fun / enjoying your time together, then you should both want to go out again soon. I'm still thinking ......
FRIEND:when he IM'd ya, what did he say / how did he sound ? Was he just saying HI, or was he asking you out again ?
EBarron589: oh, first, when I say playing, i mean not only "seeing" me, but other girls as well, and he baically said "wazzup" and then that he was sick this past week and had been staing in instead of going out
FRIEND: ok, well you definitely don't want him messing about with you on that score. I'm with ya there !
EBarron589: yeah, but how do I know?
EBarron589: I don't, and there is no way to know
FRIEND: Is he new to your circle of friends - ie. do your friends know what type of guy he is ? Or is he a complete unkown ?
FRIEND: If he's relatively unknown, then you need to suggest a meet up where you can meet some of his friends, and see what you think of his crowd. Find out where he likes to hang out, then engineer your evening, so you get to check out his territory. Your own gut instinct should tell you the rest.
EBarron589: new, I guess would be the best way to describe it, LOL. Basically, a friend I met from work and started hanging out with would go and see mr. man sing. I joined a few times. Mr. man and I talked while I was there. One night I stayed after my friend from work left. mr.man and I talked.
EBarron589: I've met some of his friends
FRIEND:OK, cool, plus you know (or your friend knows) where he sings - so he's known from that place. What d'ya reckon to his friends - OK ?
EBarron589: they're kewl
EBarron589: <~ gut instinct no longer exists
EBarron589: <~ gut says every guy cheats
FRIEND: LOL Bear in mind - if you talked after he'd sung, you're kinda fitting into the category of groupie
OK, cool, plus you know (or your friend knows) where he sings - so he's known from that place. What d'ya reckon to his friends - OK ?
EBarron589: they're kewl
EBarron589: <~ gut instinct no longer exists
EBarron589: <~ gut says every guy cheats
FRIEND: LOL Bear in mind - if you talked after he'd sung, you're kinda fitting into the category of groupie
EBarron589: well . . .
EBarron589: we talked the first time I came with his/my friend
EBarron589: the next time I really didn't chat with him
EBarron589: I'm keeping you , sorry, I just realized what time it is there
EBarron589: :-D
EBarron589: you are so sweet
FRIEND: I'd say - just see how it goes. You plan to move on, so unless something real dramatic happens with the relationship, it's no great loss either way. Just enjoy spending time together, and try to take each day / week as it comes. I'll answer in a mo.
EBarron589: k
EBarron589: LAst thing, then you can go to sleep (thank you sos o much)so do I say anything at all? oAND (nothing to do with conversation) can I post this on my LJ (you would be anonymous of course, just known as "friend")
EBarron589: k
FRIEND: Ah ....... hate being called sweet !!! But guess I fit the bill at times. I like to help, if I can - I'm sure you do to ...... and anyway, next time it might be me asking for the advice !! OK, yeah sure, you can post. No worries. As for do you say anything .........
FRIEND: you mean do you mention your concerns about whether he is being faithful, or why the 'no seeing / answering calls' - is that what you mean ?
FRIEND: ??? guess it is ! .....
EBarron589: meaning, to I discuss anything, make time for me, umm, call me, something
EBarron589: to=do
FRIEND: It depends how close you are - how much you like him, how easily you both talk ! If you feel connected, then yeah, tell him you qite like him, and you felt as though he was palying cool, by not bothering to contact. You can even tell him you were thinking of not seeing him again. If you don't feel quite taht close, but do like him, I'd say nothing yet till you feel you're both getting close.
FRIEND: oops - spelling !
EBarron589: <~ is very open, I like him yeah, but as with anyone, I'm not going to die over him, LOL
FRIEND: then don't go in too heavy - or you may scare him off
FRIEND: make sense ?
EBarron589: LOL, k
EBarron589: :-)
FRIEND: OK, that's gonna ahve to be it for now
EBarron589: ok, sleep well, thanks :-)
FRIEND: I'll mail you with any other Q's from your mail
EBarron589: k :-)
FRIEND: You too.:-) Later
EBarron589: next time tis your turn to blab :-D

Actually, I think this was similar (more or less) to a discussion with the other side of my brain. Plus some points I never would have thought of. :)

I will end with the Lyrics of a Song by Jimmy Eat World
before I do, what's funny is the reason I originally looked up the lyrics is because of the lines in bold. My friend and I just could not figure out what they were. I like the song though.

The Middle

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle, it'll up the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be allright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be allright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be allright (alright).

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be allright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be allright (alright).

I hope everyone is well

3 comments or Leave a comment
the_end_effect From: the_end_effect Date: March 5th, 2002 01:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Nice Lyrics.

I agree with you on the whole "coolness" thing.

I am blessed/cursed with the nightmare that is heart on my
sleeve honesty. If I really like someone, I will tell them.
Its that simple.
If you hit your finger with a hammer you go ow, if youre scared
you jump/scream, if youre amused you laugh, so why is it that
certain emotions we're meant to hide away ?? I dont go for it.
If Im sad - I'll cry, If I love someone - I will tell them, sod
these unwritten rules.

I find it frustrating in the extreme at times that people cant deal
with openness, but I dont intend to try and change to fit around
people who cant deal with it.

A friend of mine once told me the only way I was going to get this
certain girl, who I was very much in love with, was to play it cool.
I tried that - and royally fucked it up. Becky, in the end, as far
as I can tell appreciated my openness, and at least knew by the time
we stopped seeing each other just how much I loved her and how important
she was to me, why ? cos I was honest.

So if it were me, Id probably want the guy to stop playing it cool for
the sake of it I spose.
When you say "Im not gonna die over him" what does that mean ??
Is that just your way of keeping him or your emotions at a distance ??
I mean, I dont know the situation well enough, but you seem to be giving
this quite some consideration - so you must have SOME depth of feeling for
this bloke. If its a case that youre purposely trying to make it seem
more casual than you actually feel to try and keep your head - Id say
thats a pity. If you really arent that bothered then I would say why
waste your time.
Either way - it would be interesting to know which way you choose.

And - Good luck !
moowazz From: moowazz Date: March 5th, 2002 01:30 pm (UTC) (Link)


you are right. I see things a little different on the "I'm not going to die over him".

Basically that facts are this yes I do like him, and no I will not die over him.

I don't know him well enough to be in love with him. I do know him well wnough to have a good time, enjoy his company, and enjoy him as a person. I have been in two serious relationships. One almost killed me when we broke up, the other did not. As much as I may care about anyone, they are not my life. It may hurt, may hurt alot (depending who it is) but I will never die over the loss of anyone.

Does that make things a little clearer?

Thanks for the opinion. Always appreciated.

the_end_effect From: the_end_effect Date: March 5th, 2002 03:17 pm (UTC) (Link)


Yeh, I knew you didnt mean it literally.
However I thought you might be playing it
down a little by using that phrase, i.e trying
to fool yourself you dont like him that much
when in actual fact you do, thats what I was
trying to ascertain.

Course Im just projecting my own probs onto you...
3 comments or Leave a comment