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Hmmm, so um yeah - a world of possibility
Hmmm, so um yeah
My mind continues to turn it's wheels, or whatever's in there. Maybe it's not turning, but it's working pretty damn hard. Overtime in fact. Only problem, it doesn't know what it's goal is.

I found this funny

There is more random thoughts after this. Just scroll down, they're there. Believe me, they're there. Ya can't quite miss em.
(she laughs to herself).

I got this from devnull who got this from sksk2

01 : I hurt too much
02 : : I love too much
03 :: I hate nothing
04 :: I cry alone
05 :: I fea where too much of society is headed
06 : : I hope for understanding
07 :: I sadden at many aspects of humanity (yeah, yeah, I already said this =P )
08 :: I feel alone by myself and feel I will be for a long time.
09 :: I kill nothing
10 :: I talk sometimes too often, sometimes not often enough
11 :: I listen whenever possible
12 :: I break . . .
13 :: I see all I am shown . . . and then some
14 : : I smell space
15 :: I taste my breath
16 :: I work hard and genuinely
17 :: I remember as much as possible, good and bad
18 :: I hold things close to my heart
19 :: I hide very little
20 :: I pray in a different way then most
21 :: I walk tall and sure
22 :: I drive in a beat up old minivan with a smile and a tapedeck
23 :: I read whatever I can get my hands on, whenever I get time
24 :: I burn inside
25 :: I breathe everything
26 :: I play oh too well
27 :: I miss love that I have yet to know
28 :: I touch myself (LOL, had to do it)
29 :: I learn whatever I can
30 :: I feel too much and too little
31 :: I know nothing
32 :: I said everything and nothing
33 :: I dream much
34 :: I have myself
35 :: I want very little
36 :: I fall gracefully (someone once said)
37 :: I wait often
38 :: I need again, very little
39 :: I live, yes
40 :: I die the day I stop facing my fears and coward from them instead.

For those who would like to do this there is a blank one at the bottom to copy and paste.

So here's the more random babble

FOREWARNING: some of these thoughts are somewhat morbid. I will mark when the morbidness is over for those who would like :)

I've kind of been in a daze lately and yet I haven't. It's a weird sort of world I'm in. My life has been continuing, very full of too much stuff, as is usual with my life, and it keeps going on. Each day is one day further into my life. I get scared sometimes and have random horrible daymare type things. It's like just a quick picture in my mind, so not even a daymare because it's just an image, not an entire story, at least I don't believe so, I think my mind makes up the rest of the story from the image.

Like today, I was walking to my car with my friend and we turned right onto the sidewalk. Before we turned though there was a woman who was currently on our left, whom once we turned would be behind us. She had this weird look on her face, I don't exactly know how to describe it, but it lead to my daymareimage thing. All of a sudden I had an image of us, well at least me, laying on the sidewalk dead with all my papers, which held information about auditions and such, scattered.

The other day in the shower I felt as if my brain were trying to push out of my head, there was a pressure of my entire face pushing against my skin. I was thinking what i I have a tumor. I would probably use every connection I have in order to get an audition for something big and quick letting them know about my time limit for this life time. Then I thought, why would I do anything different then now, when I have no tumor, well because I can't lie, and other then life-threatening things, people don't take you seriously or give you the time of day (in the respect of hollywood or broadway etc.).

None of this depresses me or anything, i just find it odd.


The other thing is that I want to see my friends, the distance between seeing them gets longer and longer, but I guess this is how growing up has to be. I guess I'm scared of being forgotten, not in the sense of needing to be famous, but you know when you are younger and you go away to camp or your friends go away for cap, or go somewhere, for the summer? Then you all come back to school and nothing is the same anymore? I mean eventually you all get comfortable with each other again, but I don't know. I haven't actually had anything like this happen since I left highschool, even with my friends who are away at college and I see once in a blue moon, we always pick up right where we left off, without any discomfort (uncomfort-whatever), but I always have that fear anyways.

I have been seeing way too many "couple" things in my face!!! Pooey! KAte & Leopold, Oceans 11 (I was with someone in Las Vegas), horomone levels suck, all my friends are pairing up. NO this does not mean I am going to jump into a relationship, it just sucks that it's being thrown into my face, LOL.

Don't worry (if anyone is) I am quite happy, just figured I should get my complaints out. I would usually omit, but I've decided they are part of me so I should put them in.

OK, me is quite tired!!! Me shall go read. I'm going to finish Bridget Jone's Diary. Which, Matt, you can have back when I get that picture from American History X AND you look at my disc!

Tee hee

I hope everyone is well

there is a little more pointlessness below (my horoscope and what flavor I am)


my horoscope
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Week of January 17, 2002

I had a vivid vision -- a waking dream, really -- as I meditated on your horoscope. You were clutching a dolly as you rode on a llama through El Salvador. The Dalai Lama sat in back of you and the artist Salvador Dali in front. Dali whispered in your left ear, "Let the beauty you love be what you do," as the Dalai Lama murmured in your right ear, "Be kind. Serve those in need. Give your ego to God." Here's my interpretation of the revelation: You are now primed to intensify both your devotion to truth and your hunger for beauty; you are ripe to tap into your most idiosyncratic brilliance as you deepen your compassionate concern for your fellow humans.

Want yours?

What Flavour Are You? I am Chocolate Flavoured.I am Chocolate Flavoured.

I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. (If you were not Chocolate you would be Vanilla.)
What Flavour Are You?

01 : I hurt
02 : I love
03 : I hate
04 : I cry
05 : I fear
06 : I hope
07 : I sadden
08 : I feel alone
09 : I kill
10 : I talk
11 : I listen
12 : I break
13 : I see
14 : I smell
15 : I taste
16 : I work
17 : I remember
18 : I hold
19 : I hide
20 : I pray
21 : I walk
22 : I drive
23 : I read
24 : I burn
25 : I breathe
26 : I play
27 : I miss
28 : I touch
29 : I learn
30 : I feel
31 : I know
32 : I said
33 : I dream
34 : I have
35 : I want
36 : I fall
37 : I wait
38 : I need
39 : I live
40 : I die
2 comments or Leave a comment
mcrutch From: mcrutch Date: January 17th, 2002 06:06 am (UTC) (Link)


Honestly didn't read the post, but I figured this was the easiest way to get a message to you. There is a party at my place tonight (thursday 17th) and if you want to come you can (since you served us at applebee's :-P) Ask Matt for details/directions if you wanna come. We are gonna mostly be watching the Maryland v. Duke Basketball game and yelling at the TV while drinking!
musus From: musus Date: January 17th, 2002 06:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have something to say, but I don't know how to say it.

If I could convey it through a *hug*, I would.
2 comments or Leave a comment