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Some more delves into my cluttered mind. :)~ - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
Some more delves into my cluttered mind. :)~
Yeo this is gonna be a long one. Just so the space before my little LJ cut isn't completely empty, here is one bit of nonsense before deling into the unkown of my mind.

If I was a work of art, I would be Edvard Münch's The Scream.

I express the subconscious troubles and anxieties of the world. I hold my head and let loose the primal terror of my innermost fears, surrounded by a lurid landscape which reflects my feeble grasp on reality.

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test





Some thoughts going through my head during notes at the end of rehearsal.

Sometimes I just hate men, not all men, but the general species "men", or the majority of them. In other words (to put this in kind of a more positive light) there are those select few whose company I actually enjoy and they are not included in this generalization.

I have more to say on that but I've got to finish what I wrote in rehearsal first.

So, yeah, stupid me started CRYING! can you believe it, ME CRYING! I don't cry unless, yeah I basically don't cry. The few times it's because something has happened to someone really close to me or I am fighting about something really important with someone close to me.

So here I am with tears coming down my face, I'm not bawling or anything, but still tears=crying. The thing that bugs me is that it did not make sense. Yeah someone had laughed at my expense, but in truth, rarely does someone making fun of me or saying/doing something mean directed towards me get to me. As stated above, when it does it's someone close to me.

This really scares me. If I can't control my emotions, in the sense that I cry when I'm not sad~what's up with that~ then how can I make it out there; In this big cold world?

The other question, was it possibly my darn empathy, LOL. That woulda ben interesting. I'm guessing not, but who knows.

Now back to the men thing.


In the same sense I guess guys often feel the same about women.

I was reading a friend of mine's website. I learned some new stuff about him. IT saddens me deeply how many people we just do not get to know because of this physical horomone thing that takes away people's ability to look beyond girlfriend/boyfriend to just people. If that didn't make sense, se eif this does. So many people just want a boyfriend or girlfriend. Because (that was just for the AM CREW, tee hee) people search for this and only this ~ I'm not saying everyone, but too many people ~ many good friendships are passed up. If we could take away the horomones and physical intimacy, like they would only come about AFTER we knew people for who they are fully, I think we would all know many more people much more deeply.

OK I probably make no sense, so I shall shut up and finish the poll I was working on, LOL. That will be my next post.

Then . . .

Sleep

Meez :)~

Current Mood: indescribable indescribable
Current Music: desert blue - Lonely Lola Cherry Cola Girl - Bic Runga

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Comments
schwack From: schwack Date: December 4th, 2001 04:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Men may suck, but they're not a seperate species, silly :)

And we're not all out looking for a 'piece of ass' as my friend Davene puts it, but unfortunately too many of us are too often.

Ah, crap, gotta leave for school now. Take care.
arkos From: arkos Date: December 4th, 2001 06:58 am (UTC) (Link)
Some of us are tired of just making friends.
sysadmin From: sysadmin Date: December 4th, 2001 09:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Doh,

I am noticing a trend here. I am seeing a lot of posts about friendship and men not being who they say they are for the sake of "getting ass" .. This brings up a few questions in my mind.

First.
What is going on in your head that you are so annoyed with. Yes I understand looking for friendship is a very important and often an overlooked aspect of daily life. It to me seems that you are reiterating this point on many different occasions and, I feel that part of my time knowing you, well (almost everytime that I have hung out with you) it has been brought up. (not that, that is a bad thing) I enjoy talking about it.

Second.
Ok, So now that is stated. You have this pac with yourself. Which i think is great, for the most part. I guess this is stemming off of the first question i have for you, but why are you so adiment about this. (proving to yourself that you have willpower can be a very bennifical thing. Proving that you can do what you set you set out to do, can also be very benifical). You said to me, that you are having so much fun now, that you have stoped having people chill with you only for the reason of getting ass later. Are you truly having fun, if this question is consistantly posed by you, and It does appear that you are constantly bringing this up, on your own accord. (a alarm is going off in my head that something/someone hurt you very bad, and this is a way of protecting yourself from whatever it is that hurt you) And my comments on that are as follows: Yes, covering your ass (CYA) is always a good thing, but closing down your emotions to prevent further hurt is a bad thing (if in the event that is what you are doing), because at that point, you start to shut out what and who actually means something to you. Don't get me wrong, Yes I agree completly that actually getting to know someone first is a good idea, but I feel that you are going to be missing out on possiblitys for a year or however long you carry this on. Yes, people are generally good, but Would you wait a year to date someone that was not even a sure thing (being realtionship)? I don't think that I would limit myself to one person. Maybe that is selfish, but IMHO that is what I would do.

I guess what i am saying is that i am conserened about you, and why this is such a common topic (why were you crying?) So take my words as more of a consern then anything else, and if i have hit apon something, or struck a nerve, and you feel the need to talk to someone, feel free to give me a call, send me a email or leave me a post. I could also be way off in left field and missing the point completly, but some things are just not making sence, and add them up and this is what I have come up with. 1+2=7.... IMHO (you can't forget about the hidden variables)



Matthew AKA: Sysadmin
moowazz From: moowazz Date: December 4th, 2001 10:04 am (UTC) (Link)

REally long reply to a fairly long reply to a post. :)

You are absolutely right on every point you make. Lemme see if I can make this clearer, and yes I do seem to type a lot about this. There are a few reasons.

1) I felt continuously typing my day to day events did nothing but tell littereally what happened to me
2) I guess I don't like to complain about things in the work/class environment too much (though I have done that lately, LOL) because that is something I basically have covered. I still learn new stuff all the time, but it is something I've learned to deal with even when new stuff comes up.
3) I just see so many people that are kewl "people" and never get to that part of them because their view is "if you won't date me I want nothing to do with you".

To continue on the last note, and kind of go with your having someone wait a year to date me and even then it not being a sure thing, I would never EVER EVER ask that of anyone. This is why I make clear when I meet people that all I'm looking for currently is good people.

I guess it's more of a frustration with myself for wanting to have the ability to accept everyone for who they are nd yet I am not completey doing this when I am dissappointed if someone does act this way (Date or nothing).

Yes there are signs of things that I am missing, unfortunately this will be for a while, and the vow is not "1 year" for the sake of a year, but just, I guess a way to see who really is out there just to date. That's the wrong way to put it, but it makes sense.

Let's see if I can put this better. I know exactly what I need someone to have in order to be in a relationship with them. This is not to say we will disagree on many, many things~ opposing viewpoints are always good, how else would we learn anything?~ there are just certain things that must be held in the same point of view.

After spending time with Mr. Country man I found myself getting sucked into all the old traps, except now I see them for what they are, and it saddens me that our society is like this.

The other thing is, it doesn't bug me as much as may seem (since it's been a common topic lately, LOL) it's more that it just happens to come up, not only brought up by myself, and since Mr Cuntry man popped into my life (and I think he's popping out, LOL) it reminded me of too many things, good and bad.

Funniest part, I think, is that I was having these fairy tale like scenarios in my head, like he would have all those things I needed. Eh, he doesn't. Kinda like a self inflicted pain thing. LOL.

One more thing, there's nothing THAT exciting in my life right now, so all my interesting thoughts go this kinda stuff, LOL. Basically school, and now work (which actually, from the looks of things, there should be some interesting stories).

MAybe that explains a little more :)

And you are right, I think I need to put my brain power elsewhere, like my essay for college, maybe I'lle ven post it (tee hee and and evil grin).

:)~
sysadmin From: sysadmin Date: December 4th, 2001 10:54 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: REally long reply to a fairly long reply to a post. :)

Post your essay, and college students will love you! geeks will hate you, and i well... depending on the topicf, could be very bored or entertained... you make the call misses.
arkos From: arkos Date: December 7th, 2001 06:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Now my comment seems rather petty. It is true for me though because that's all that I ever get from anyone any more. My liking some one counts for nothing and I am tired of being told that I a good friend when that's not what I want. I'm not talking about getting "Laid" or some such nonsense, but a relationship that is a step beyond that of being friends. I think "Companion" is a good word to describe what I want, some one that shares all those things you desire in a good friend but also something a bit deeper. There are (admittedly only) a few of us "Men" who are actually looking for something more than just sex and to whom the idea of a relationship means something more. Hope I don't seem such the jerk now.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: December 7th, 2001 10:00 am (UTC) (Link)

I never took it as you being a jerk :)

REmember, me accepts people as they are. I even accept Rose as she is, just because I choose not to be around her, does not mean I think she is a bit**h, it just means I would not allow myself to treat people that way, so I don't want to be treated that way. She is not wrong, just as you are not wrong.

Just different viewpoints.

Sorry to have to use her as a comparison. And this does not mean I will be avoiding you, LOL.

:)~
arkos From: arkos Date: December 7th, 2001 10:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Re:

She is wrong, but that is something we will be unable to fix.
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