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"LJSuperstar" - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
"LJSuperstar"
Saw this in someone else's post. It's amusing.




How to become an LJ superstar
1. Never post about anything sincere. People don't care about that stuff. Also, never EVER make a list of what you have done through the day, unless this list contains on of the following items-
Killed someone
Flew to the moon
Had a near death experience
Had sex with Nikki Tyler

2. People want juicy things to gossip about when they read LJ. So, tell every singe intimate detail of your sex life. Make up steamy sex stories if need be.

3. Always broadcast when you make a private entry, and always tell who or what it was about.

4. Never talk about anyone you know offline- at least not by their given name. Use their username at all times, providing a link to their LJ or website if applicable. This does not apply to entries that are directed AT these people.

5. Feel free to talk bad about your friends, and then post all AIM conversations you have about the offensive topic.

6. Take up a bad habit, and then make a go with it.

7. COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN about everything.

8. Try and fall in love at least once a week with someone it will never work out with, and then record every painful detail of your experience.

9. Make random, short entries with topics such as "Dog poop is smelly".

10. Remember this term, and remember it well- COMMENTABILITY. You exist for comments, comments are the air and water for the true LJ superstar.

11. Your friends page is a valuable tool. Your popularity is in direct ratio to the size of your friends list divided by the number of comments you make in their journals.Quick equation reference [Popularity= (Friends list/Comments made)Friend of List]

12. People who search random journals are always, by definition, losers. Avoid talking to them or replying to their comments until the 8th time they make a comment.

13. Pick a form of organized religion, and do everything possible to prove it wrong. Randomly make rants about how stupid this religion is.

14. Post pictures of yourself whenever possibly- the naughtier, the better.

15. Join communities. Certain community interests attract more people. If you really want to be an LJ success, become interested in porn, anime, and Tori Amos- even if you hate it.

16. Your interests list is to be carefully calculated. An interest list is the way people find you and judge you- Hire a PR consultant before putting up your interests list.

17. Find a cult following to devote yourself to. Make as many cryptic references to it as you can.

17 corollary- Make random quotes from Chasing Amy, Dogma, or Clerks at any given time. If these are not available, or they clash against your current interest theme, try making ones from Reservoir Dogs, Tori Amos songs, or Sailor Moon. This will make you appear more sophisticated and cultured, we swear.

18. Circulate EVERY survey, EVERY new personality test, and EVERY funny link you come across. These can be your secret weapon in compiling new online resources.. er.. friends.

19. Swear. A lot. FUCK is a popular word, but Damn is moving up in popularity, too. Any naughty word will work though.

20. Have an opinion on EVERY controversial topic. Try and get into fights too. Even if they are flames, they are still comments.

21. If you can, make the flashiest journal you can possibly create. Paid accounts were made for this purpose.

22. Complain about every server error, every slowdown, and every new free user that comes along.

23. Make up sex stories. Yeah, we know we already addressed this, but we figured it was worth mentioning again.

24. Find a topic NOBODY knows anything about, and ramble about it on a whim.

25. The newest corporate gimmick is nonconformity. Try and work with that.

26. NEVER post the secrets to LJ success, like this person is doing. People who do this are doomed to a life of online loserdom.

27. No matter how much you like it, never talk about roleplaying in a chatroom. Stuff like that is dorky, it has always been dorky, and it will always be dorky. Remember that. If you must do so, do so in secret.

28. Never use your real name in your LJ name. Always think of something unique to call yourself, even if it is something that is a paragraph long and in Gaelic.

29. Userpics are like clothes. You have to change them regularly, or people will start to avoid you.

30. And above all things- Post about how much you hate every little thing that applies to life whenever you can. Positivity is for nuns and losers.

This information has been brought to you by the LJ Committee for Successful LJers

Current Mood: sleepy sleepy

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