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A look into my brain PART: 2 - a world of possibility
A look into my brain PART: 2
As stated in the previous one, long, so I won't take up space. Instead . . .

"Good time" relationships. My idea of a "good time" relationship was rather then being alone while meeting many new people, making friends, making our journey through life, date someone. You both know from the beginning that you have conflicting views on things that can't be comprmised, but you enjoy each other's company so agree to do just that. Enjoy each other's company and be physical, or whatever is needed. Someone to be close with and share intimate and private things with. Someone who will be there for you, while at the same time keeping the knowledge that you will eventually part ways because it is inevitable with your different outlooks on life.

As before stated, I still would rather gain a friendship than have a good time. It also (and I can only claim this for myself, no one else) make me a stronger person. I feel better about myself, have a stronger sense of self esteem. I don't feel the need to depend on anyone for anything.

Now for the turn of events and the short lived confusion. I had previously spoken with this guy. Let's call him Hank for right now. (That's the first name that popped into my head, probably from watching the end of Me, Myself, and Irene.

So I had spoken to Hank once before. Actually I don't like that name, let's call him Travolta (Boy Who Lived in a Bubble another movie). So I had actually given Travolta my number once previously, but I had been with a classmate and she kind of egged me to do it. She also gave him a postcard to our show (the previous one, not our upcoming one). My guess, he thought we just wanted an audience.

When I came back dancing with my friend and saw him again, we both said "hi". It's always nice when you know people. I love going places and seeing people I've me before, even if only once before. It's fun. He tells me he's sorry he didn't come to the last play. Ok, he's being polite. LOL, I'm the last person you need to be polite to.

"Don't worry about it". I say this, and mean it.

He then asks if we're doing anything currently. I say yes and that I can give him information before I leave. Kewl, maybe he'll come this time. Maybe I'll have a new friend. Friends are always good, especially good, worthwhile ones. You won't know if they are those types though, unless you give them a chance.

I spend the night dancing with my friend, as usual when I go out dancing. I dance till they close or whomever I'm with wants to leave.
So, on the way out we exchange numbers. I say when they close if he wants to get food afterwards call us.

He actually called when he got off work. Surprise surprise. Hmmm. Be objective Elysa.

On the walk home, I told my friend that I hope he didn't get the wrong idea. I think I was overly friendly at one point, not touchy feely or anything, but, well I'll explain in a minute.

Once in a while I find that I have flirted (on looking back) and feel bad. I'm MUCH better then I used to be, but once in a while it comes out. I also am just a friendly person. I smile at just about anyone. I make silly faces. I dance. It's just me.

OK, so explanation, and this kind of has to do with that %1 thing. I'm not sure what it is, but there's just something about a few people whom I meet, I talk with, and there is just an overwhelming attraction, and it's not even physical.

I am empathic ~I'm not sure that's the best way to put it. For those who have no clue what empathy is here is a simple explanation : Empathy: directly feeling emotions whose source is not yourself; experiencing the emotions of others. ~ and sometimes I'm not sure whether it's myself or others feeling it. I've gotten it under much better control then before, expecially when I can decipher if it's mine or someone else's, but sometimes I can't.

I don't choose when to feel them or who to feel them from. It's also not like you are in their body feeling what they feel, you just get the, hmm what's the best way to put it, you get the emotion itself, not the cause or anything else, just the emotion.

I got to wondering whether when one who is empathic is attracted to someone if it is ever the fact of feeling what the attracted feels. to make things easier to understand, person A is attracted to person B. Person B is empathic. Who's to say person B just isn;t feeling person A's attraction and imposing it as their own emotion, when in actuality it is just the projection of person A's feelings? (did that make sense at all)

The 4 previous pragraphs, these are the emotional viewpoint

We ended up not meeting up with him that night. We missed each other, I hadn't heard my phone ring, and then my friend decided she was tired. Kewl, we'll do it another time.

Monday comes and he hasn't called. He also has a very weird schedule, as do I. I got home from work really early monday and remember he gets off work right about when I got home. So I decide, ok, I'll call.

We did the canal thing.

Now we are back to the possibility of doing something I think I would have regretted, well I don't regret anything, so a better way would be to say that I learned from past experiences and am much happier for it.

That same evening while at rehearsal, sitting next to a "magic 8-ball" and asking it silly questions, I realized how good this really was. If he realy was someone I may be interested in one day, if he's worth being interested in, he will stick around as just a friend. Good Elysa. This is the objective viewpoint.

This is good, this is very good. I am now at the objective viewpoint and I am so much happier here. Of course I still think emotions, but they are only additional thoughts, the objective approach is my deciding viewpoint.

And tonight, my vow was incredibly re-affirmed to back up my objective thinking. I had soo much fun. The past few months I have had sooo much fun. None if it would have occured had I been dating someone, or had I not gained the self I esteem I have and learned to just be me, to ignore what people think, and stop trying to impress people.

Tonight Malcom, Matt, Roger, and myself hung out. Bryanna (or Brie as I have dubbed her) was present with her Monkee (AKA Ben). She was falling asleep so her monkee took her to the unkown (well at least to myself) world of upstairs.

Matt, Roger, and I made a sleven run. I got the crazy idea to make crispy treats (rice). So we left the sleven and headed over to Safeway.

After getting the ingredients and getting home, Malcom and I slaved over that stove. LOL. And the crispy treats attacked me. Colorful (and some slightly roasted marshmellows) treats, many laughs (some too loud from myself, sorry Brie), and many more freudian (SP?) slips on my part. Well not slips, it was just an all male group, hence the thinking went that way.

OK, got my thoughts out.

night :)~

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: Blind Melon - No Rain

7 comments or Leave a comment
From: nolf Date: November 28th, 2001 07:33 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm not quite sure what has given you the idea that people with opposing viewpoints cannot live a life together.

It kind of reminds me of when people tell me they think that a black person and a white person can't live happily together.

Please, let me in on why you think this.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: November 28th, 2001 10:33 am (UTC) (Link)

Not all opposing veiwpoints. There are a few things though that if the person does not feel the same as I, eventually there will be problems. It's a pick your battle type of thing.

AND, it's not a matter of living with the opposing viewpoints in your life, but rather becoming intimate with someone who has an opposing viewpoint.

BUT, as I said it's only a few specifics.

Ex: my viewpoint on having exes as friends (if you don't already know it let me know, but I believe I told you). That is something I feel very strongly about. I'm not saying someone is wrong to feel differently, and I will accept their view, but that is one of a few things I just can not compromise on because I will not be happy. There fore I would maintain a friendship with these people (who have a different belief on the subject)

Otherwise, for the most part, yes people can have different viewpoints than myself and we can live together.

Make a little more sense?

From: nolf Date: November 28th, 2001 10:50 am (UTC) (Link)
i understand where you're coming from.

it is my belief, however, that the mixing of ideas, cultures, and peoples is how we as human being can evolve.

i love having oposing viewpoints in my life:)
even the ones i am attached to by the balls (pardon the crude analogy, just trying to convey ideas for which i am strongly for).

for without conflict, there is no growth.
without growth, life becomes a festering wound, that just won't go away.

i'm not saying your worng, i'm saying i disagree.

and it is this kind of conflict that i beg for in life. hence my thanksgiving "prayer"

i hope the woman i decide to spend the rest of my life will disagree on many important things...and be able to match wits and argumentative skills with me. for it is then, that opposing viewpoints can be worked into one, mutually beneficial solution.

maybe (and i do mean maybe, i've been known to be wrong), you don't need to look for someone with the same important views as you, maybe you should be looking for people intelligent, mature, and compassionate enough to join you to formulate such a said solution.

just a thought. as all of mine are, just a thought:)


talk to ya lata!
sysadmin From: sysadmin Date: November 28th, 2001 07:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Am i sposed to reply to this, well i am going to... I find it very interesting the way that you are doing this. I want to add my two cents...

So, let's just say (in my best (jim carey) fire ma Bill Voice) You spend the next 3-4 months with him. have a great time, and you are sure that it is not empathy, and him being fake to impress you, etc. then what? break the vow???
Just woundering.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: November 28th, 2001 10:39 am (UTC) (Link)

Nope, no vow breaking.

If he sticks around and we actually get to know each other up here (as usual she points to her head) then I learn his viewpoints on things. That was my big thing, if he stays around even when he knows I'm only being friends with people at this point in my life, that's a point on his side ~no I don't have a point system, but I do have things I need, kinda like instructions that come with me. I learn if people would be able to follow these " instructions" by their viewpoints on the world and how they treat me. ~ and I can now learn his views on the world.

Does that make a little more sense?

if not, lemme know.

musus From: musus Date: November 28th, 2001 12:26 pm (UTC) (Link)


For the first time ever, I truly wish I weren't in West Virginia. It's like my head, my thoughts, my mind is being spread out before me, and I am completely subtracted from everything about it. I wish, and want to be able to be included in these kinds of situations. I feel like I'm missing so much. sigh
moowazz From: moowazz Date: November 28th, 2001 01:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

It is frustrating, God knows, it's frustrating especially when you were just home and have so much fun.

See this is where I say, Maybee you could make your own experiences down there. Meet new people. Learn from them. So that way when you come join us you will have not only yourself (which we enjoy so much) but experiences gained from others to share.

We will have much fun with you also silly boy.

Eventually we shall chat online. Maybe I'll call ya.


7 comments or Leave a comment