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Bliss - a world of possibility
Words can not express what I'm feeling right now. Bliss is the closest I think. There is this happiness, it's more than happiness though. I can't even explain it. This weekend, was wonderful. Everything was just leading up tonight.

See the movie Amelie. It's a french movie. If you live near me it is playing at the dupont theatre. It's wonderful.

I went to a friend's party last night. I brought 3 new friends with me. MAtt, Schwack (aka another Matt, or in the lastentry known as Stanley), and Adam. We~well I think I can only speak for myself with %100 clarity but I inferred it to be a consensus~ had a good time. We later met up with another friend of theirs, Angel. We all layed outside Matt's apartment building watching the meteor shower. We then walked to IHOP at 4am. It proceeded to be another 7AM. :) Want more details? Check out Schwack's Post on it :) Maybe I'll post the other word game papers.

Between many things that have happened, mostly within my head, I have been learning so much! Between stepping back (very often lately) and looking at myself, and realizing I am doing much of what I want, but still need to keep at it. I always will, but that's how we learn.

There was a meeting for my brother's school today. The topic this time was "humility". In these meetings, or seminars, people discuss something on the topic (there are usually specific questions). After I had my turn and they were giving me feedback, I wanted to ask a question on the feedback and explain that I thought differently, not that they were wrong or I was wrong, just different views. As I started the gentleman sitting next to me explained that the time was meant to get feedback. I just smiled and said thank you. In my head I debated back and forth why i would be good to have more time so we could ask questions in return to the comments, but on the other hand it wouldn't because this way meant you HAD to let it sink in. I think they both have their benefits. I needed to let what they said sink in, but I also think they would have benfited from the questions, just as I would have benefited from their questions on feedback. I'm not sure how to do both, so for now what they are doing does work well.

I was getting a big ego lately, I needed that lesson in humility. I was sitting there thinking (and I apologize if any of this does not make sense, it's like the picture became clear to me and I'm trying to explain this) that there was a common theme going around the room, uncomfort and worrying what people think. I wanted to say things like "All I know is that I know nothing" and to be secure in this, you will never feel uncomfortable again, well not NEVER, but the majority of the time. There was so much I wanted to say because I know these things that make life so much easier.

What's to say

whoa de ja vu, sorry really random.

So anyways, what's to say I am this authorrity to tell people anything? NOTHING! Exactly. I needed that check back. I decided, I've said this before, but now I see it with more clarity, I must not offer any advice or opinon unless asked, and even then I can only give questions. They are the only one who can decide what they need to do. They must figure it out on their own.

As Billy Bob Thorton's Character in Bandits said:" Being smart is a curse. I can always predict what's going to happen". Or something very similar. the concept is clear though.

(Off suject: I found him incredibly attractive in that movie).

I don't consider myself smart, just observant. And (that was just for you guys, the AM crew) in such, I see things some might not always see in for thought, but probably will see when looking back. I see it more often lately also. LOL it's amusing. All you can do is sit back, watch, and hope when it's all over they look back, see what you saw, and learn what they need to learn in order to move on and not make the same mistakes again. I hope this for myself with every mistake I make.

I thought there was sooo much more, but I think I actually got it out, or oot as my friend would say, LOL.

Here is a little sillynees (meant sillyness, but didn't want to correct it, I like it too much) before I leave. I am silly, hence I must put down some sillyness.

Silly conversation
Friend: I really would
EBarron589: but ...
Friend: lol
EBarron589: I'm waiting for the "but"

and . . About the movie "Amelie" and "The Way of the Gun" (which I really want to watch right now)

EBarron589: ok, Amelie, I was told is like Chocolat, but I have not seen that so I can not say, it is a quirky romance, but not the mushy kind, it's weird and hard to explian but REALLY good
EBarron589: way of the gun, is 2 robbers, a pregnant lady, many other characters, and some interesting conflicts
EBarron589: and it doesn;t have a "happily ever after" nice neat little bow ending
EBarron589: I liked that

and as we said goodnight, my friend types "be good". I will. I always am (in any way meant). Made me think of someone else who says that. Too bad there was only a short time spent talking with that person. They were someone I think I would have very much liked to have become close with as a friend. Aaah :) Can't have everything.

Interesing quote "Everyone is born with an empty bag of luck. The key is to fill the bag up with experience before you luck runs out"
Or something like that (I read it on the way out from the bookstore).

So before I say goodnight, I'm letting you all know, I am starting a booklist for life. Well a better way to put it would be a book list for Elysa's Life. :) There are many good books, but these are ones I think are more than just good, they will help grow. They helped me grow would be a better way to put it. Will they help you? Thats up to you to decide.

So far . . .

Of Being and Nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre
(yes Matt, I have not finished it, it's a really hard read, but the concept behind it even before I read it helped me. Reading it just reinforces it. I guess you could just research the basic principles behind existentialism, that would work too :P )

The book my voice teacher eventually publishes if it has anything about what she calls "Performance mode" in it. I'm not sure what I can say because of copyright laws and all so I shall leave it at that.

Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.

Men, Women, and Relationships by Dr. John Gray

That's all I can think of right now. I must read, read, read. I have toooo many on my list of books I want to read, LOL. And I keep starting more.

Currently I am in the middle of (and must find some of them so I can finish them)

Out of the Girls Room, and Into the Night
The Hobbit
Silence of the Lambs
Drowning Ruth
Celestine Prophecy
Of Being and Nothingness
Rosencrantz Guoldenstern are Dead (apparently there is no "and")
this last one is the newest addition.

Probably more that I can;t remember because it's been so long, LOL.

OK, must sleep. I have work tomorrow and nothing much more useful to say right now. Even if I did I can't function my brain currently; therefore it would not make it out of my fingers with much sense to it.

night all. I hope everyone is well

meez :)~

Current Mood: touched touched
Current Music: Sister Hazel - Surreal

3 comments or Leave a comment
schwack From: schwack Date: November 19th, 2001 05:05 am (UTC) (Link)
actually on the book cover it's a bigfucking ampersand.

And yeah, if I was gay or female, I'd jump Billy Bob Thorton.

I'm hovering over the computer before school, so sillyness is all you get :)
moowazz From: moowazz Date: November 19th, 2001 07:27 am (UTC) (Link)

You're absolutely right! I'm guessing ampersand is the name for the "and" symbol that is made out of rope on the cover.

Tanks :)~
schwack From: schwack Date: November 19th, 2001 09:43 am (UTC) (Link)
3 comments or Leave a comment