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Yes, Yes, I am procrastinating - a world of possibility
Yes, Yes, I am procrastinating
So, umm, yeah. Lots of things making a bigger picture, well I'm not sure if this time the picutre is getting bigger, or I'm just seeing it for all that's there, every last detail.

Quick Randomness: "Crossing Over" not sure if I wanted to leave on the TV in the background with that show on. After debating for 30seconds I decided to. I'll letchya know at the end of the post if it was worth it, LOL.

This is another long one. So... if you wanna read or not
As I put in the last few journals, you may have noticed, there's been a theme of relationship(s). I had an interesting evening and observance between last night and today. I've been realizing much about myself and thought I would share my thoughts.

Last night I went out with a friend of mine and her boyfriend to a club. In the past any time I was around couples, up until recently, I would want that ~ a relationship~ if I didn't currently have it. Many other people feel this way too. We'll get back to that in a minute.

I actually DIDN'T want to be in one this time. When I left them to go to a bar where many people dance (kewl place, cept the 1 bartender, LOL) I had no want to be going home with omeone. I was happy being on my own. Don't get me wrong, I love that companionship, but I don't NEED it. I realized, instead, that another thing (of many) the guy I eventually date must like to dance.

Actually I felt the opposite. There were characteristics in her boyfriend that made me look and say to myself I would not be in a relationship with that kind of person. Don't get me wrong, he''s a good guy, there were just things that I would not deal with. He would be a better friend. (Little re-establishing my vow, tee hee. another entry that may tell a little about me. I just felt like linking to it for some reason also. Hmmm.)

Tonight I had dinner at my aunt's house for my cousin's birthday. While eating dinner I had a conversation with, I'm not actually sure how they're related to me, a somewhat newly wed couple and their parents and my aunt. The couple have a child and are fairly Orthodox Jews and the woman is my age. It was just so weird to see someone my age so settled down. Again, I was not craving anything. I keep noticing this and finding it odd. My aunt had her tell me how many people meet their husbands (wives). There is a matchmaker or friend who basically sets you up, but for the sake of dating not marriage. It's more than a blind date though because they, at least the matchmakers, know the people well enough to know ahead of time if they have at least the most important qualities to the possible date. (Did that make sense). I stupidly went to shake the husband's hand when leaving, Whoops. I forgot, when married (and actually I think all men after a certain age) cannot touch women other than their wife or kids. I apologized. The wife laughed and said not to worry about it.

I was reading someone's journal entry and they were typing about that feeling of just wanting someone to be there, to hold them, to love them, to make them feel loved (a very basic human want). I want this, but only when I find that person who has what I need in a relationship. I don't want it in that way anymore though.

I find this interesting. I just happened to look up at the TV. Guess what? Well I guess I should describe the show first, LOL. There is a man who can supposedly (I don't make judgements as to whether I believe or not, there is no way of proving and since I don't have an inference either way, I really have no opinion whether it is true or not) get in contact with those who have passed away. I happened to look up when he was talking to a woman about her deceased husband. They had that special kind of relationship (well from what I saw, there is much more that I would have to see to know if it's EXACTLYwhat I'm looking for) that I want one day. They loved each other, but before and after they were married there was still a respect for each other, like best friends. It was more than JUSTa marriage. I ould see just from her face, her reactions, and the words the man put it in, there was something else there. It was special.

So my point? I don't think I have one, other than, hmmm, when you look at people, couples, and don't feel any need to have a relationship, are not jealous, that is when you are objective enough to look at relationships and realize what you want, better yet, what you NEED from one in order to be happy. And STAY happy.

This is all quite funny because the other day I was thinking (well in my mind it's funny) that if I did not have the parents I have currently, and I had to pay for my school, I woul dnot even worry about hanging out with friends, like at all. I would be working every second I wasn;t in school in order to support myself, that's how much I want to do what I'm doing. My current acting school and Tisch (with hard work and a good essay) in the fall. (Keep good thoughts for me in your head till mid-late January). I wouldn't have any time for anyone, at least not NEARLY as often as I do now, and it wouldn;t bother me. Acting is my priority.

LOL, Yet another "hate being single" typed into a journal. Man relationships seem to be the topic more so than normal (they're always in the conversation somewhere) lately. Or maybe I'm just paying more attention. Who knows.

OK. No point made, but I got my thoughts out, LOL.

I liked the little bit of the show that I saw. ("Crossing Over" in case you forgot)


meez :)~

Current Mood: blank blank
Current Music: Credits to "Willow" (It made me ralize I MUST get off this computer, LOL)

1 comment or Leave a comment
From: nolf Date: November 12th, 2001 07:34 am (UTC) (Link)

by the way, there are a whole helluva lot of frauds on tv these days. the dude from crossing over (i am almost sure) is the real deal. he seems to be the only one to be "recieving" the way they send:)
1 comment or Leave a comment