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moving, memories, and other ramblings from the abyss - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
moving, memories, and other ramblings from the abyss
hello world!

I've had an interesting few weeks, and have no clue where to begin. I am leaving in a little while with my sister to meet our cousins for dinner. I initially planned on packing a bit more - will get to that in a minute - and felt an urge to write.

quick updates
- met an LJ friend and got to go to my first wizards game, had a wonderful time, even learned a few things. thank you!
- visited my boyfriends brother & wife (with my boyfriend & more of his family) as they just had a baby.
- am moving to a small place called ouray (pronounced your-ray like "your ray of sunshine" smushed together or you could just add a 'y' in front) and have been packing - which requires sorting through ALL my stuff. Some boxes I opened included things from when I was 14 years old!

I'm learning alot right now and hopefully growing from it.



LJ friend
so kind, was really great to meet him. I learned some of my own misconceptions and insecurities sometimes hold me back. I hope I can take what I learned from him and bring it with me in the future. I also hope my insecurities didn't ruin any future possibilities with he & his family.

visit with boyfriend & family
My learning in this case was near the time I left & when I was back at home. I found myself depending on my boyfriend for entertainment more than I would like to. I think this was an old habit at one point.

I also found I wasn't willing to speak up as often as I like. I became a bit frustrated sometimes as we didn't have any sort of schedule. This in itself is not a problem. I felt like we all had things we wanted to do and a time frame, but none of us said anything. As a result co-ordination of wants did not happen as well.

I was definitely part of this issue myself.Being in a new dynamic - not knowing anyone as well as joe - I didn't want to be a burden on their plans.

I was silly, if I didn't share what I would like, no one could know.
I hope, in the future, to speak up more. I can give them the benefit of the doubt that if it will intefere with their plans they will tell me. I can also have enough faith in them that from there we can come to a compromise of sorts.

moving & packing
as mentioned, much of my packing has consisted of first unpacking and sorting through old boxes. I came across old letters from my parents to me. A letter a wrote to my grandmother when we were having a disagreement. A letter to an old boyfriend. Cards sent to my folks when I was born & to me for my first birthday.

In the letters from my parents I could see where I get some of my strengths & insecurities, or at least how they may have been fed into. I could also see how they love & care about me.

In the letter to my grandmother I saw how I handled a situation that I continue to reference now. I am content - in the deeper sense - with the letter I read. It was good to re-read it.

I sometimes lose the sense of what I felt at that time - how solid I was with myself in the world and how clear my mind was. How my only hope to have a better relationship, not to blame anyone. I need that sometimes, when I get stuck in blaming others or myself. In reality I don't want to out who caused what. All I want is to get past whatever the hurt or issue is.

In the letter to the old boyfriend - I saw some of my old habits. I don't want to fall back into that person. I like who I've grown into, how far I've come from there. I saw during my visit I began falling into a few old patterns - kind of like with my g'ma letter. I have recently been blaming rather than just getting to the issue.

I have also been worrying and thinking about silly things outside of my control. I'd rather enjoy the important things and what I can have an impact on.

Cards from my birth & 1st birthdday - my folks had many people in their life who live & care about them. I was lucky enough to be brought into this dynamic. This was felt even more after having seen a video on a man named "randy pausch"'s last lecture (the video can be foundhere).

He mentions people vs things and how people are more important. He goes on to tell a story of bringing his new car to pickup his nephews. When he arrives he take the soda he was drinking and dumps it all over the back seat. He wanted his nephews to know they would not be in trouble for getting it dirty. On the ride home, one of them was sick & threw up all over the back seat. He was happy to know his nephew did not need to feel guilty about being sick - something he could not control.

I am lucky to have loving and caring family & friends. I hope I can give to the world as much as I am given.

Soon joe flies out to drive cross country with me to my new house. Along the way I get to see a few friends, who will get to meet him. I also get to see some of the country I have never seen before.



I think that's it. now I shall head out with my sister to see my cousins for dinner.

more pictures eventually

I hope all is wonderful
:)~
2 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
From: myreprise Date: February 23rd, 2008 02:57 am (UTC) (Link)
If I were wind, I'd fill the sails for your journey. Wishing you all good things.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: February 27th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
thnak you! :)
2 comments or Leave a comment