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`When did I fall asleep? - a world of possibility
`When did I fall asleep?
I went home to MD for a week. It was SO incredibly nice to slow down for a few moments. While in school my perspective has become skewed in some ways. Part of it could be NYc as well and the constant need people feel to always be accomplishing and doing and busy.

right now my youngest, Gato, is laying on my keyboard - so I have to keep an eye on her paw - for when she stretches she places her paw on keys. She pretends it's just stretching, but often she wants attention, placing it directly in my way of typing - often adding numbers and letters to the sentence.

Another kitty, Yem, will lay on the stairs, the big platform area, and crawl under the next stair (as there is no back to the stairs) upside-down (back on bottom stairs, claws on stair above her) and crawl all the way out so she is hanging by two paws, and then bring herself up. Scared the cripes (no clue where that word came from) outta me the first time I saw her do it.

And Sushi - she just sits and stairs - well that's not true. She'll run all the way upstairs and then meow once she has jumped onto the bed. She even meows when you are upstairs sitting next to her. She just LOVES attention. She also loves to just sit and watch the world.

Some oddness lately. My skewed view has slowly become unskewed - or rather I've been looking at the world, less critically and more with hope. At the same time, I've been looking forward to art projects - me mum and dad got me an easle for me b-day and I have been wanting to paint FOREVER. I also did some project when I was home in MD.

That's not all that odd, but a friend of mine moved and they are in the same zip code as my first real boyfriend.

I don't do well without contact of some sort with friends - at least every so often. In person is ideal, then e-mail, then phones. though letters are great as well, probably better than e-mail because there is more effort put in - in some ways that is.

Phone calls are harder for me than e-mail, unless it is a planned phone call, because I have trouble changing focus sometimes. Like if I'm working on a paper or watching TV - it's hard for me to just stop focusing on that and pay attention to the person on the other end. And I don't like that because I like to give people my full attention.

I have trouble in person sometimes as well, though for other reasons. I find I will be in certain - not moods, but rather there are times I am just not good around people, especially after long periods outside of being social, like recently it's been a result of school work. "Play time" with friends takes effort for me - not in a bad way, but I definitely need energy. And after a week of homework and classes that is something I lack.

Though recently I realized something - not sure where I read or heard the idea that sparked this thought - I am the best I know how to be, as long as I give all I am capable of, that is what matters. And if that is not enough, that's too bad. I can only give what I have and hope that it's appreciated.

Friendships, while they need to be maintained, there is also understanding on both ends that life is a complex thing. When there is flexibility about how much contact is needded between people, it's helpful.

OK I'm babbling now, because I have no idea what I'm trying to say. There's this thing in my heaed which wants to get out, but it's not clear to me what it is.

Being sick makes clear thinking incredibly difficult. I rarely get sick - so I haven't had practice thinking with a fuzzy brain. Don't worry, nothing serious, just a sore throat which is practically gone. I just need to turn off my brain for another day or so.

Reminder for me: Prioritize= my priorities, not those imposed on me

I hope all is well


Current Mood: weird weird

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