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I think I can, I think I can - a world of possibility
I think I can, I think I can
I just need to get through this, and onto the next thing.

There will always be "this "thing" to get through though, won't there? OR will there?

I will start my theatre company. I have it all planned out and written up, just need to DO it. Which, hopefully, will happen once I finish my undergrad stuff.

I have a big opportunity (acting) in August - well I'm led to believe it's a big opportunity. I'm in the thought that nothing may come of it, but it would be wonderful if something does.

I've just been so bogged down in the frustrations of right now, the current moment, that I've been ignoring the stuff I have to look forward to. I've done this to myself is the funny part - it's like I told myself "hey, 'e' (as someone who has trouble remembering - or maybe pronouncing - my name calls me) you need some suffering in your life, because what makes you so special that you are allowed to be happy all the time". While the "normal" population is like "I'm going to take time off and relax because I deserve to be happy".

The few real length breaks I've taken - aka winter break - allow me to enjoy classes and school SO much better. To deal with stress and realize that, yeah, once in a while things may be rough, but that moment, that struggle, is NOT forever. In the next moment the struggle could be gone and carefree, or at least, enjoyment, might replace it.

And yet, here I am. I still plan on killing myself (not literally, but with big work-load, and no break) so I can finish my undergrad and graduate at the end of the fAll - because I'm impatient and I want all the struggle over and done with all at once.

But then there's grad school. Eep

If/when I go to grad school - I'm going to do it in a timely manner. I may take one or two summer classes (MAY) but I'm not going to do what I'm doing now. At least I don't think so. I've learned a lot about sticking up for myself at the very least. I've learned to speak up when I feel something is not entirely fair. Whereas before I would have just dealt with it. I'm not sure if this is necessarily "better", per say, but I think it helps for people are not able to speak up and for systems that don't run as efficiently and "user friendly" as they could.

What is school for? My understanding was to help you become an adult who can survive in the world and who has an understanding of SOMEthing. Apparently, somewhere along the line, rules were put in place that aren't always fair.
To say it simply, for my 3 years of school at my acting conservatory they accepted 9, I repeate NINE credits! I thought at least 12, and am therefore 3 credits short of graduating in the fall. I'm talking with an advisor soon and hope we can find something besides taking another writing intensive class.

Another "complaint" - I don't like the person I've becom in small ways. I'm no longer the girl who walks down the street and just smiles - I've become, as Baz Lurman says in his 'sunscreen' speech "hard". I miss having the naivete, or whatever you would call it, to smile at anyone and not care what they're thinking, or worry about them misinterpreting or decide to stalk you (bad joke - but could happen).

I miss being that "positive" person. Not worrying about silly things. I don't know - I have stuff to say, but I'm not sure hhow to put it into words, it's just this mass of "stuff" in my head.

OK enough complaining

I'm coming home (MD) soon and am excited for a week of just relaxing. Though I honestly am not sure it's enough time, because it's "home". I will make the best of it. It will be nice to be away from the city. It will be nice to have a social life. To see friends and just smile, and babble, and just be around other people who you know don't care and they kow you don't care what they or you do or say, you will still be friends.

OK time to meet and hopefully talk my way into 3 (well 2 credits)
4 comments or Leave a comment
corto From: corto Date: April 21st, 2005 08:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
hola little bunny froo froo... :)
I feel like it's been for ever since we've talked. :)

I know I know... I should read more! :P

I just wanted to pop in and tell you that I have every reason to expect your theater company dreams to come true... hands down. :)

moowazz From: moowazz Date: May 7th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC) (Link)



yes I miss much these days.

And I am just as bad at reading as yourself - although in my case, yer not missing much, I don't update often due to lack of content, in addition to no time :)

I hope all is well, kiddies are active, and wife is smiling

corto From: corto Date: May 8th, 2005 03:08 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: :)

it's all good here in la la land sugar.

~ are you working? I mean in theater or some-such?
moowazz From: moowazz Date: May 27th, 2005 04:04 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: :)

Sort of

I am going to LA in August for a big audition type thing - but it's not really and audition since we had to audition to be part of it. I'm hoping something will come of it, but not expecting anything. Other than that, though, not much in the theatre area due to lack of time.

4 comments or Leave a comment