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Today is today, not yesterday or tomorrow - a world of possibility
Today is today, not yesterday or tomorrow
I'm not sure where I am right now - in the mind/body/spirit sense of "where" not physical location (that would be scary).

This is not necessarily a bad thing.

There are things I want from life, goals and dreams I have. I enjoy working towards them. At the same time I've been so busy trying to "accomplish" something, I've ignored myself.

I find I am unable to sit still.
To just sit.
And be.
I always feel an urge to be "accomplishing" or else I feel I'm not being my "best" or doing what I'm "suposed to" do.

I haven't seen my friends in forever.
I keep telling myself I have to wait until I have time.
I will have time once this or that is done.
But that's not necessarily true.

There will always be a new this or that.

And that's ok too.

I don't know if I have anything else to say.
At least today.

I'm going be vain for a little while and look at pictures of myself that were taken for a comp card* type thing.

This is something that's hard for me
For me to allow myself to see me as "pretty"
something I see as somewhat superficial
at least in me, but not in others
in others I see it as something that is nice once in a while

I think I'm afraid of becoming the other extreme
Someone who values "beauty" more than anything else
I'm also afraid of people valuing me that way
I think that's why I try so hard to be so "plain"
or "normal"
to know that I'm liked for who I am within
not for some physical feature I ma or may not have.

As for the busy part of my life, it's going quite well

-The apartment is finally owned by my mom and I
-The apartment is on it's way to being remodeled (slowly but surely)
-I'm doing an internship this summer at Beth Israel in the Mood Disorders Department
-I'm really excited about some of my classes coming up
-I have some really good people in my life (even if I almost never see them).

And now I shall be off to my life again.

Enjoy your day.

I hope all is well


* For those who don't know what a comp card is, it is used for models and actors - mainly models - and is similar to a headshot except it is in color and has pictures on both sides. Usually one big picture on one side and 2-4 pictures on the other.

Edit: I uploaded a few of the pictures.
They can be seen here: http://moowazz.fotopages.com
8 comments or Leave a comment
sassenach From: sassenach Date: May 3rd, 2004 08:59 am (UTC) (Link)
those are some gorgeous photos, my dear :)

and i know how you feel--been struggling with my own issues lately. *i* know, at least that you are very beautiful--both indside AND out!!

talk to you soon!
moowazz From: moowazz Date: May 3rd, 2004 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)

I have a feeling you will get through all your "stuff" as well

eventually I will need to make a trip to ohio - it's so nice there :)

sassenach From: sassenach Date: May 4th, 2004 06:47 am (UTC) (Link)
yes,definitely!! maybe over the summer--it will be fun to have you here and show you all the great parks & stuff! :)
(Deleted comment)
moowazz From: moowazz Date: May 3rd, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)


and once all the remodeling in my apt is done you are required to come over and have dinner (or something).

I hope all is well with you

the little bits I've read seem to say so, and I hope they are giving the right impression :)
(Deleted comment)
moowazz From: moowazz Date: May 3rd, 2004 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks :)

nice to see you too (so to speak)

even when deep down I know that's the truth,
it's nice to have outside reinforcement.

I hope all is well with you and you are filled with wonderful passionate ideas for your art.
jen_rocks From: jen_rocks Date: May 3rd, 2004 01:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
you. are. freaking. GORGEOUS.

sooososososo jealous.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: May 3rd, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
thank you for noticing.

no need to be jealous
you are quite a beautiful person yourself

and in many ways

I hope all is well

From: (Anonymous) Date: May 4th, 2004 09:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

Long time, no see

Hi Elysa,

It's been a long time since we've chatted, but I've been reading your posts in the meantime. I feel exactly the same as you. Though, as a male, I don't try to make myself superficially beautiful, there is pressure to make myself into something that I'm not in the self-confidence and machismo areas. Your pictures look completely natural, though - especially the smiling one - so there's really no need to worry about coming across as someone you aren't. Thanks for keeping me updated.

Matt from CO
8 comments or Leave a comment