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Some updates: School, brother, Apartment, Lawyer, Introspection - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
Some updates: School, brother, Apartment, Lawyer, Introspection
I'm starting school again.

I'm excited for classes.

The process of getting to the classes part is frustrating at times.


I filled out the registration page where you list the course numbers, titles, days and times of the classes you ideally would like to take.

We needed someone to sign off to leave the meeting.

One person kept insisting that I put more variety into the classes - the majority of classes I wrote down were psychology, since my concentration will be in psychology.

I completely understand the point of this, and if I hadn't already taken so many other classes or if I wasn't so focused on what I want to do, or if I were younger, like the age of a sophomore going straight through college after high school, I would be all for it.

Currently, though, I would rather be as versed as possible in what I want to do with my life, and after I have completed all that is REQUIRED then I'll take a few more elective courses if I still have time left there.

I also am lucky enough to have money for college thansk to my parents having planned to send me to college and therefore having saved money. When I take classes solely for enjoyment with no benefit in my career, I feel guilty not taking full advantage of the opportunity they have given me.


Another thing is that I want to do an Independent Study - I must find a faculty member on my own. My advisor cannot help me.

I want to eventually work towards a PsyD - similar to a PhD, more hands on work. Very few people have given me concrete helpful information.

I will get to where I am going eventually. I am just anxious to be there.

I need to learn patience.

Luckily in years past I have learned to go out of my way to found out what needs to happen.

Until recently I would just go with the flow.
If the answer wasn't apparent and no one gave it to me, I made due without an answer.
Now I go out and search for answers. It's fun sometimes.

Anyhow - long run ahead of me, I'll make it!


I register for classes tomorrow. I really hope I get all my 1st choice classes.


Tonight my brother will be arriving from CA


He and his girlfriend are staying with Jon and I until Monday.

I have not met his girlfriend.

My brother never calls me - well he did call to wish me a happy birthday, but that's about the extent of it.

I don't mind so much, it just makes it hard to gauge exactly where I stand with him and who he is.


Friday my folks will be in town to
a) see my bro
b) see the apartment we might buy
c) see my bro

It's also my dad's birthday.

The visit is my parent's present to my brother for my bro's b-day.

He turned 21.

That's another interesting concept for the visit.


Apartment - I found someplace I love.

I hope my folks love it just as much - well my mother, since she's the one buying with me.

It needs fixing up, but it's perfect.

I want to fix someplace up, it will make it feel more like my own.




Talked to the lawyer

E-mailed the lawyer answers to many questions

Lawyer is writing a letter to the business person stating that he owes me money and that we are going to take legal action. It also states that if he would like we are willing to meet with him and a lawyer of his choosing (If he want's to bring a lawyer) before taking such legal action.

I just want this to be over with.

I don't even care about the money anymore.

I lost a lot, but it was my choice.
And due to previous times of lending, all to SO's making the situation a bit different, but still, I decided that I would never lend money expecting to get it back. I would very much appreciate it, but at this point I just want it to be done.

I feel bad for the guy more than anything.

He lives his life based on other people. He is not free. He is chained to people who he can get to give time, energy, and effort to his wants and needs. One day he won't have anyone there and he will have to face himself.

It will be over soon and I will be able to breathe fully.





So I realized a few things since I returned from vacation.


I have an obsessive need to feel like I'm accomplishing something at all times when I am not on a technical "vacation".
From the day I returned my load of things to do has just been increasing, along with my tension level. I say tension rather then stress, because I am never truly "stressed" in the sense of freaking out. Instead I just make sure I have many things to do so that I feel like I am getting to where I need to be.

Or maybe it's more that there is so much that I want to accomplish, I feel I wouldn't be doing myself justice by putting it off when I can work on it now - even if it creates a heavy load. Kind of like proving to myself that I can handle anything.

I didn't realize how much I care about my wfs.
While he was gone I missed him. I mean, not to say I had never missed him before, but not in this way. It was like all the times I had spent away from him all of a sudden hit me full force. I think it's because for so long I never let anyone get too close as a result of past relationships that I couldn't access how I felt about him.

I knew that deep down I cared about him as much as he shows that he cares about me, but I wasn't able to grasp it the way he could.
Well I did.
I'm a very lucky person.

Curiosity
When I came back, I wanted to explore and question, like when I first moved up here.
I went with Jon to the natural musuem of history.
I loooove just being out of the apartment and learning and seeing and experiencing.

I've fallen back into my old routine a bit, but I hope to explore some more once the lawyer and apartment are taken care of.
It takes effort to make time and plans outside of normal life stuff, but I want to make an effort.

I've also gone back to cooking for myself more than just turkey and cheese or tuna fish.
I made tofu lasagna with turkey.
Tofu instead of pasta.
It was pretty good.

I want to try a few more things, as well as a few things I used to make.

I will be ok.


I can get obsessive in general, especially when I'm not grounded

While wfs was gone I
-e-mailed back and forth with lawyer (it is very possible to get emotional over someone else's mistakes)
-talked w/dad about apartment. he only had negative opinions due to his own issues. (we talked, it's ok now - probably didn't help that it was the same day as e-mailing with lawyer)
-had first day of oreintation for school
-realized how much I really wanted the apartment

The night before orientation I had trouble sleeping due to the idea that I might not get the apartment - not because of my mom not liking it, but because someone else might buy it before my mom had a chance to see it and decide.

Normally my frame of mind is such that if something is supposed to be in my life, it will be. I'm not saying I won'y take actions to attempt to make my life how I want it, but I also won't be destroyed if it doesn't turn out as planned.

I was entirely unraveled this weekend.

I'm ok now. I'm not sure what it was that set me off is the scary part. I haven't had anything like that for years now I believe.
I definitely appreciate my sense of going with the flow now that I've been back to where I once was on a normal basis.

OK -this is more than long enough.

One last thing - if I do get the place I want visitors!

If not, I want visitors when I do move.

Also, if anyone feels inclined to help at all (paint, tile, other) you are invited.


I hope everyone is doing wonderfully.

:)~
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Comments
melebeth From: melebeth Date: January 21st, 2004 03:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
You HAVE to let me tile. I want to practice on your place before I do stuff to mine ;). Plus, I love painting. YOu're not going to be able to get me out of the place. I'm going to move in and be in home improvement heaven for MONTHS.

And on the coursework side of things... I agree with you completely. You're an older student, you know what you want in life, go get it. Take a few outside courses for diversity and relaxation, but you're absolutely right to focus on finishing your major.
ellipsedream From: ellipsedream Date: January 22nd, 2004 03:21 am (UTC) (Link)

i like your icon pic. :)
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