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Part 4 - Reflections and Quesitoning - a world of possibility
Part 4 - Reflections and Quesitoning

So, as stated in the previous one, I was surprised my grandmother was not so picky.

I also was glad that my aunt wanted to make sure she didn't offend me. I wish she felt she could have told the hairdresser her opinion. Or better, realized it wasn't her who was wearing it so it didn't have to be what she would wear.

What I really want to do is sit down with my aunt and/or grandmother (could be separate, could be together) and ask why they feel the need to have eveything within their sphere of likes and dislikes. I mean isn't that part of the fun of having people other than yourself in your life? To get a broader view of the world?

Then again, at the same time, I wonder if that wouldn't be forcing my views upon them? They shouldn't need to be anything but themselves.

At the same time, I don't enjoy being around them as much when I feel like I'm being treated like a 5 year old because they want everyhting in the world to be exactly how they want it - when in reality they would ironically be the ones considered acting 5.

I think what lies underneath is that it makes me (and my brother, and my mom, and whoever else is treated this way) feel like we're not good enough. Our decisions, who we are, what we like, is not good enough for them so they need to change us so that we fit in with what they believe is good enough.

I realize in reality this is not how they see it, but it feels that way being on the other end. I guess when I am at the beach if my aunt wants to hang out and something comes up I will explain this with her.

Eventually with my grandmother as well, but with her I move incredibly slowly because it's hard to get through ti her -as those who were here when I wrote her a letter know - which is a good thing as well. It means she is strong enough to stick with what she feels and believes without changing for someone else, but at the same time she overdoes it to the point where she's also not willing to, or at least it is very hard to get her to see a different point of view.

I think maybe this came from the fact that she gave up a lot when she married my grandfather - not who she's married to now. My grandfather died before I was born - actually who I'm named after.

When she married him she gave up going to college - part of where the tension came from with her wanting me to finish school, because she didn't get to - in order to marry him and have a family. Maybe she overcompensated with the rest of her life and not budging.

I think the only other thing that bugs me is that they criticize, but rarely compliment. They compliment when it goes in line with their world. Example: Almost no one in my family (excluding parents, they are very supportive) is supportive in my acting. Yes, they say they are but I have yet to see them at any of my performances.

In the 3 years since I could have people come to productions at the acting conservatory and the few productions I have done outside of it - my grandmother has not come to one production, not one!

But today, and recently, she has been saying little tidbits here and there trying to be helpful, or about other people who have kids in the business. I guess maybe, even with her stubborness, she is still incredibly attached to the "norm" of society.

The good thing about criticism, when it is constructive, is it helps me grow, I just wish they would do some complimenting as well once in a while. Like yesterday, with all the things my aunt was pointing out that were "wrong" - yes I realize she didn't mean it that way - she didn't notice anything right. I had made sure to paint my nails and toenails knowing my shoes are open-toed and it would be commented on if I had not. Yet, since they were it was not commented on. I of course ended up pointing it out, feeling the need to prove something, though I'm not sure what.

I guess part of this has to do with me as well.

OK, anyhow, I must get dressed (eek) and will attempt to post pictures at some point this week. I guess I don't really have any direct questions but opinions on what you would do ro say would be wonderful.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!
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musus From: musus Date: August 2nd, 2003 09:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
A little unrelated (no pun intended).. but, when are you home til? I know you told me, but I can't remember off-hand.
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