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Understanding and acceptance - a world of possibility
Understanding and acceptance
How much do we truly give people?

Forenote (is that even a word, lol): If any of my friends whom I have quoted do not like this, or do like this but would like their names to be mentioned along with the quote, just let me know.

Something I have been trying to do for almost a year and a half is to accept everyone for what they are. This does not mean I cannot choose to spend less time around them if how they are conflicts with my personal views to the extent that it makes me uncomfortable, in my opinion it means allowing people to have their views -whatever they may be - and not make them feel bad about it by pushing my own views on to them. Who's to say mine I any better or worse, more wrong or right than theirs?

In the same sense, by choosing not to spend time around some of these people because I feel uncomfortable is not truly accepting, now is it? Or is it? That's one conflict.

There's also the idea that by just accepting and not questioning there is no chance to influence them or be influenced because without understanding other views there is no way to know about the other views and have the option of changing your own or not.

Ok, what am I getting at here Elysa? Huh?

I read a friend's journal entry.

She states about someone she knows who cuts themselves that
"Is it our right to dictate that she not cut herself, because she is harming herself? Are there not millions that harm themselves with food, alcohol, tobacco, and drugs all the time? What is so wrong with her version of release? She obviously has enough experience with how to cut, that if she wanted to kill herself, she already would have. She is searching, she is needing to feel, she is hurting... aren't we all at some point or another?

Perhaps, I feel she is more brave than the rest of us. She is wearing her pain and emotions literally. How many of us do that? She doesn't pretend. She may hide some, but that is because we are all so damn proud with our masks that we are perfect without a hint of hardship, no wonder she hides. This beautiful delicate soul is just trying to figure out how to deal with all that comes her way, and her expression is real to me.

. . .

I challenge all of us, to reconsider our moral inclinations. Judgment keeps us far apart and hidden away. I'd rather find the connection in the truth of the circumstances we are all going through. All of us are cut, hers are just more obvious, and maybe that is how it should be. A strong dose of honest expression could do us all some good.

And in another friends journal I saw the results of an "empathy quotient" and "systemizing quotient" quiz found here.

As well as another friend who stated about losing some of their friends (though I know not if they are inside or outside of this love eh lee box)
" At least the clean break is nice. Nothing ticks me off like 'friends' who try to force it because they feel sorry for me, or they're trying to be 'nice' about it, or they can't deal in their own morality with abandoning another human being they claimed to care about until stronger pretense develops through their own actions. Drives me up the damn wall, that. For God's sake, if you're sick of me, just get it over with. If you're cringing every time you hear from me and can't ever think of anything you'd like to say to me, you aren't my friend. You don't even like me. It's very likely it isn't even about you, it's just time for you to ditch me. I'm like...the amazing disposable man.

Now, with all that said, I do still have friends and loved ones. Folks I really like, I keep just far enough distant that they can't really get close enough to ride the coaster and get off. Maybe that's selfish of me, as the whole 'ditching me' process is always hugely profitable for the person I help out.

Every once in awhile, though... I meet someone special, who really sees me (if only rarely) and either takes the slowest path possible to getting rid of me, or is strong enough to get past whatever force propels this abberation. Folks who do that do it because they really want to, as much for themselves as for me. Folks who do that /can/ do that, and it means they're stronger and more awake. They want to for the right reasons, and they can.

Maybe that's what I realized, tonight. I'm picky. I don't let people in, as a rule. Don't talk to people, or keep them close. I don't trust easy and despite being passionate I don't love easilly either. But even among those who I choose... this abandonment isn't a curse. How can I have thought to complain about something that chased away people who intended to harm me?

Recently I had a long conversation with a friend (thank you) about some confusion in my current life and my issues with people, especially males. While near the end of this conversation (or maybe it was in one of the breaks) I took a different quiz, more of a CheeZ one than the one mentioned above, stating what color I see the world in.

The result was "Red/Green/Blue: To you, the world is logical. Everything happens for a reason, life is scientific. You like to find solutions. I doubt you needed to take this quiz in order to realize this."

Before one conclusion that was come upon in the conversation with my friend , I will need to give some background on the subject.

"crawford131313: so, basically, we live from day to day, doing what we do. but the society that's been built before us has been what they call "low context sensitive"
crawford131313: basically meaning that most people in this society (american society--usa society) aren't consciously aware of how much influence the world around them has not only on them, but that they have on the world as well

The conclusion being that so many people are unaware, or choose to be unaware of their influence on people and because of this, those of us who concsiously try to be aware sometimes run into problems and often have conflicting views on situations because of just this fact - much of society isn't as aware and therefore we cannot be completely objective about the situations without researching from many different angles/ perspectives.

"crawford131313:so, basically, what i said before was that your/our being so context-sensitive gets you/us into trouble so often is -mainly- because of the fact that most people have grown so used to the idea of not having to slow down & take the time to be context-sensitive to the point they really -need- to be.
crawford131313:and because of that, they not only criticize other people who are more context-sensitive for being a "martyr" (which is one of my most recent insults), but they also have a tendancy to walk all over context-sensitive people while we're busy taking the time to understand those context influences
crawford131313 that sounds very bitter, and defensive (and it is, in a way), but i believe it's also accurate"

And, yes, I do see the world in the sense of a mathematical equation which is what so often makes things hard for me because not everything is an equation, there are not always factors that when put together are equal a defined answer, often the same factors can produce varying results, or maybe it's because there are too many factors in some situations (like human behavior) to be able to watch after them all - it's nearly impossible (I don't say anything is %100 impossible).

So, even though all this, all these quotes that may seem to have a theme, but you may not quite understand how they are connected, they are in my mind. They all are factors in the overall equation equalling to how I look at the world around me and the people in it and how I hope to learn to be more understanding than I currently am, which I actually feel is an accomplishment compared to a short while before this journal was even an inkling of an idea.
At that point in time I was a very insecure and non-responsible person, at least in the sense of my emotions. It was always someone else's fault and I very often assumed that someone was the way they were just because they were mean, or disrespected women, or spiteful- I never saw the other side, the side that leads them to be these ways. The best friend whom they loved dearly that betrayed them, or the mother that locked their sister in their room, or whatever they had gone through which hurt them, scarred them deeply, and was part of the reason they are who they are today.

It's all about the patience to sit down and understand where they are coming from and accept that this is what is right for them, even if it's not right for you.

This doesn't solve my issue, and I'm still not sure what exactly I am trying to get at. However it helps greatly to have this sort of hodge podge of ideas put out there. It makes more sense to me now then it did before.

On other notes, rehearsal was great, but incredibly draining (need STRONG sunblock). Also need a ring (you know, it's helpful to get married with :)~

My friends band was great

Am having some issues with the theatre company thing, but we shall just see.

I'm tired and want to sleep so I shall do just that.

I hope you are all well

5 comments or Leave a comment
melebeth From: melebeth Date: April 20th, 2003 06:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Just an In The Realm of the Weird comment...

You know how I had a friend staying over last night?

She had gone to see your friend's band because her date knew the Bassist and was apparantly two people in front of us the entire time!!!!!!! Only neither one of us saw each other - me because she's tiny and was hidden by tall people, her because I was behind her, not in front.
From: limbic_region Date: April 20th, 2003 12:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

Good Yentif

And may a smile always be on your face!
moowazz From: moowazz Date: April 20th, 2003 12:47 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Good Yentif


thank you

and may you always find things to smile about as well

moowazz From: moowazz Date: April 20th, 2003 12:49 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Good Yentif

PS - what does yentif mean?

I attempted to look it up and found nothing.

Unless it is not an actual something and I just do not understand what it comes from.

mcallahan From: mcallahan Date: April 21st, 2003 10:16 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Good Yentif

Actually, I think Yentif was supposed to be something else... I know theres a Yiddish phrase that means 'Good Sabbath'- Yontoff. I heard it ALOT growing up.

Course I could be horibbly wrong
5 comments or Leave a comment