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So, my life has been interesting lately. I'm not sure where it's… - a world of possibility
So, my life has been interesting lately. I'm not sure where it's deciding to go, but I believe I'm stuck for the ride - not necessarily a bad thing, I like water, I like the stars, and I like land - so I think I'll be happy where'er it goes.

I'm currently or have currently

a) Part of a theatre project - will tell the idea behind it once it's definite
b) Volunteering on Thursdays at 9-line a crisis hotline
c) Getting back into the swing of audtions
d) Getting low on funds (not low enough to worry about rent or anything, but enough for other stuff like fun or eating out)
e) Because of "d" am taking a quick proofreading thing with job-placement, am actually looking forward to using yet another part of my brain
f) Listening to The Screwtape Letters which is actually a bit of a mind-fuck, but in a good way.
g) Going to dinner soon (not tonight) to "get to know" said person.
h) Going to many plays of friends, which is hard due to "d"
i) Looking forward to Colorado and peace and quiet
j) Ready to sleeep!
k) REALLY REALLY need a massage - a really good one, preferrably full body, but even just back would do
l) Had an interesting "stock full of Stockwood" (yeah, bad joke) weekend, which caused the need for "k"
m) Am working on a theatre relationship thing with someone in another state - another thing to be discussed only after it has become certain :)

For more details . . .

a) I really hope this works out because I really believe it's a good idea and I'll get to be acting even with the possiblity of $

b) I really wish I had gotten the part-time job, BUT every time I leave there, I always feel good. I really like the oranization and the way they work. There are no questions, no judgement, just letting people get out what they need to and if they ask questions, turning it back on them, teaching people that they really do have the answers. Educating people sometimes, empowering them with knowledge sometimes. Just a good place. The only thing about the whole system that is a confusing subject is that they are pro-life. I guess it's best because of all the options - they still don't judge you or anything, they just won't offer a abortion clinic referral.

c) It was a little bit of a let down today because the monologue I brought to the audition today was more theatre based then film or TV and the audition was being taped. Had I known this I probably would've prepared a new monologue rather than used the one I had. Sometimes I dissappoint myself - I'm getting back into the auditions more slowly than I had hoped. It also didn't help that I was still exhausted from this weekend (and still am and ready crash soon, lol).
On a good note, though, I had an actual person whom I could use to put on the other side of the monologue - who I saw that I was talking to - and it changed some things, made it better. Also the direction the auditioner gave made me think differently as well.

d) I had a check paid by the bank (my checks don't bounce, they just charge me $31 if I go over, lol). I've only been in a situation like this once before - the check thing, not low funds. I was dating someone at the time. We were living together. I was continuously spending more than I had for a few months in a row. There were 2 insecure depressed (well 1 depressed 1 bi-polar) people living together, one of whom was often not working (and that would be the male counterpart). Unfortunately this meant that I was coerced and pressured and guilted into paying for a lot of things that I really did not need to, and often should not have been paying for - including the full rent of where we lived, almost all of the food, etc. etc. It just made me feel a bit low b/c I've come a long way since then, and recently I've been slacking a bit. I do, however tel myself, it's ok to be patient, actually I need to be patient. I'm doing the proofreading thing - I'm taking the effort to do something about the funds, I'm not just sulking.

e) I'm actually looking forward to proofreading. I feel more productive when I have some sort of work - acting, serving (like a waitress, just a better way to put it), promotions - anything. It's also something that gives me flexibility of schedule. I just hope I don't overwork myself like I seem to do sometimes. I guess I just don't realize it either sometimes (see k and l )

f) Kind of like this improv theatre game where you need to mime an action, say hammering a nail for example. While doing this the other person asks what you are doing - but you must reply something else. Say you reply "fly fishing". The other person must mime fly fishing and then you ask what they are doing. They in turn must reply something other than what they are doing -which you in turn mime - and so on back and forth. I only compare it in that is messes with your head. The book is more a -how you perceive life, the reality of situations - mind mess. I like it though it makes me think :)

g) So my guy situation has become more complicated- ok only in my head, lol. I get these weird spurts of too many men being interested in me all for the wrong reasons. OK, not the wrong reasons, but it's like there's something about me -my cheeriness, or my abundance of female physical aspects (aka big boobs) - things that aren't actually me, they don't define me, but they are a part of me. People like this or that part and therefore believe they like me, but they DON'T KNOW ME.

I don't understand - I mean I understand, but I don't, one of those you, know? - how people can do that, become attracted to, even to the point of infatuation without even knowing the person. In my opinion of relationships, that is part of what attracts me, mutual attraction, knowing the person well enough to know that I truly get along with and there is that 2-sided meshing of personalities thing. Currently I think it's a mix of me just being outgoing and a little older than my age in some ways.

I am somewhat fearful that "said person" with whom I will be having dinner has over psyched themself. I'm not all that and a bag of chips who should be looked forward to and thought about so much that it makes one nervous, but rather I am me. Yes I am special and unique - as is everyone - but not for that sake because it means this person does not value themselves as being as special, or </i>as</i> unique. I myself used to be that way until I figured out who I was.

The other part of "guy situation" is 2 of my exes, IC soul (aka Instant Connect soul or crazy boy with whom the theatre project is happening) and S soul (aka Silly soul) with whom I spent last night. He was overly nice and had me stay watching TV while he went and bought food - which he cooked and then when he got up @ 1am (I fell asleep while watching TV, -see "L") to go to his office for a few hours he just let me sleep until he came back. He even offered to make me breakfast when I got up to leave. I don't think he ever cooked for me before. It was just odd. It made me wary, like he wanted something from me. Well he got nothing but a warm body for a few hours, lol. He's not getting anything either - he had his chance.

h) It's great seeing theater. If my friends weren't in it I probably wouldn't see as much. I realy like to see how people work together and if "stuff" offstage affects the stuff on stage. I also like to see if I would want to work with those people.

i) I'm going skiing with my parents. It's going to be wonderful being in nature again. I also get to see my Colorado friends, or at least one of them. I might even stay at his house one night so I can sleep on a bed by myself rather than a fold out couch or bed with my sister. He's a good guy too. I compared him and his best friend (the guy I might not see) to Jay and Silent Bob - only by personality, they look nothing like them - this being the silent counterpart. He's funny too. Colorado, and my fmaily, is a world I miss sometimes. I hope to have more of it when I'm older. The peace and slower pace of life alon with people I love and care deeply about and trust more than anyone else. This is not to say I don't have friends here, I just haven't been here long enough to have the same type of relationship I do with my family - as I do with a few friends from highschool.

j) no comment, lol, sleep is sleep

k) My right shoulder, my lower back, my knees, my neck all sore

l) This weekend consisted of 6am wakeup Saturday 8am-4pm rehearsal, including my fight scene, which is coming along pretty well. The drive from rehearsal back to the city was a different crowd this week. Instead of the female counterpart, there were 2 male counterparts, both a good 2X my size, make an Elysa sammich and for some very different conversation. Not better or worse, just a different feel.

I got home Saturday, by 7PM I was in bed and out cold (didn't even hear my incredibly loud cell phone - this is the 2nd time I have ever slept through phone calls since I moved up here). 2 hours later I was up and getting ready for my friends b-day party. Went, danced a bunch. Saw some people I hadn't seen - which was great because they have such different views on life - most people I know do from one another - and we decided to have lunch some time soon (YAY).

By 1 am I was home and in bed. 4am awake and headed out - skipped the stretching. 4am, ain't no movement other than the necessary happening, unless I've stayed up till then OR went to sleep 8pm or earlier the night before. And off to the LIRR to meet my carpool. I searched with all my might at Penn Station for someplace selling a meatball sub that I've been craving at least all week. Nope, no place was open (I got one today, after 10 stops, lol). The ride there was interesting. It was filled with all those who didn't quite make it on the last train the previous night. Many still drunk, lol.

Then there was the commercial shoot. It was much fun. I was garbed up for the 2nd time in my life. I was also one of much comic relief throughout the day. First with the hat that was too big and fell in my face, changing my line of "yeah" to "where". Next with me carrying around a big hammer - like almost as big as myself, the head of which was made from the trunk of a small (probably 10 inch diameter) tree. Which would probably be a good deal of the reason I am in so much pain today. It didn't hurt while Iw as carrying it around so I didn't think to stop. The other thing the day was filled with - can we say horomones? LOL. I don't think I have come across that much horomonal discussion and joking since my wonderful days in highschool where we would all hangout together -the girls being from an all girl schoola nd the boys from their brother school - during play practise. It was very much entertaining.

All of this was followed by the interesting evening with S soul being overly nice and me passing out.

I am going to stop babbling. and get in my nice, warm, cozy, kitty laden bed :)

I hope everyone is well

g'night! :)~
7 comments or Leave a comment
lordrexfear From: lordrexfear Date: March 10th, 2003 10:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you're having a busy, but successful and enjoyable time.
Do you have a new cell phone # or is your home # still the same? We should find time to just chill. Something very cheap since both our funds are low, but just hanging out, do something, talk... we haven't done that in awhile.

I miss being able to talk to you. Here you were a new friend and now I never see you. And if you're worried that I'm INTO you. Don't be... we don't click like that. We make great friends and there's definetly I believe some kind of spiritual connection, but there's not enough else or enough this or that... ya know... mental somethings... I think you know what I want on the mental end of things and we both know we mesh better in a brother/sister type friend thing.

I rambled... but eh... it's all good. I think.

Love yas, try and cal me or e-mail soon.
saizai From: saizai Date: March 10th, 2003 10:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're welcome to a massage... if you're willing to come over here somehow.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: March 16th, 2003 09:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Maybe you can make it to Colorado, it's sorta in-between


thanks for the offer though :)

So what made you smile today?

saizai From: saizai Date: March 17th, 2003 12:20 am (UTC) (Link)
Just this.
picoland From: picoland Date: March 11th, 2003 06:53 am (UTC) (Link)
hola! You know we love the little girls with big...hammers! You were so cute all garbed up! Missed out on the musk-filled rutting, too busy shooting you guys- we got some great shots. I'm a smug married anyway, but I joke like the rest.
From: basementangel Date: March 11th, 2003 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I <3 Elysa!!!!
moowazz From: moowazz Date: March 16th, 2003 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey, you like ren faires right?, you should try and come up one of the weekends :)


directions and all sorts of stuff on there

I hope you're doing well down there
7 comments or Leave a comment