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My life is . . . - a world of possibility
My life is . . .
me :)

Yeah, so things got a bit confusing there for a second or two in my existence - by my own fault of course.

IC soul - the most current crazy person - finally met with me. I did him a favor and made some copies after my audition for his theatre project he's working on. I then went with him to his meeting, planning on ending it afterwards.

He was stressed afterwards. I figured I would tell him next time. I did not want to add to his stress. Ideally it should not have mattered.

So this morning he calls me and offers me to help and be a part of his production (acting in it). I am interested I tell him, but I want to discuss some things first. I have ideas as well, but I need to end it first!

So my day . . .

-Good lunch with a friend
-ending "thing" -whatever it was, lol - with crazy boy
-dinner with some more friends :)
-a little boy info
-working on proposal

wonderful lunch with an associate who is connected to an investment of mine (will explain some day in the future, but not currently) but it was just as friends,. It was very much enjoyable. I don't remember the last time I had a meal 1 on 1 with a female! It's been a while. For that matter, I only believe I have gone out with one female 1 on 1 - or any all female outting!

It was nice. We split dessert as girls often do, lol. Coconut cream pie. I wanted banana, but she couldn't have it and I would rather split dessert.

This was followed by a quick in and out of K-mart and then to the awful deed.

So after waiting around forever for the hostess to get back, since she went to get "ashed" we finally walked to a restaurant (too bad I had just eaten, lol) and sat down.

Outright "I'm interested in working with you and have some ideas, but first I need to talk about other stuff. This, you and I, is not working out".

Surprisingly he wanted details, lol. I then realized why - he wanted to give me an explanation. This was where I wanted to stand up and laugh " no explanation, you just didn't want to, it's ok, but don't try to make excuses b/c that means you felt you should have done something differently. Either do it differently or just be like 'ok, yeah'", LOL.

So that done with, and he agreed, we got on to other matters, theatre stuff. I had some ideas - one in specific - and by te end of that meeting we were partners in crime - well proposing a show.

Next was off to dinner, get my coat and, more important, my TAPE PLAYER >:)

Dinner was wonderful. TWO good females! Plus we all split dessert : 1 strawberry shortcake (and it was the real thing, not a cake with strawberries in it), 1 banan cream pie (YAY) and 1 guava crepe with passionfruit sauce(?). It was goooood. I have my tape player back now, so I can walk a WHOLE lot for today, lol. But it was well worth it.

Then home to work on the proposal.

I had 1 phone message waiting. A boy. I am being patient this time. I even explained I am not dating anyone. It's great. He's been the most accepting so far of anyone to whom I've explained that to. It's also great because this was the first time I didn't feel bad. There are a few boys sort of, lol. I'm sure there will be more, men have horomones and I have some stuff they like. I'm really glad I'm comfortable saying that currently I will be enjoying their company: YES being physical: NO. And if they don't like it, off they go. There's a wonderful freedom to this understanding.

So back to the proposal. I began working on it (I will explain the idea after it has been proposed to said contact so as not to have the very off and unlikely possibility of someone stealing the idea, but better safe than sorry). I realized I wasn't sure what to write. I called IC soul and told him to call or IM when he gets home. He asks if I can do one step more (I've already done more than I expected to research wise - but this is just how I am, I do things as thoroughly as possible) or if he was asking too much.

I of course told him that, indeed, he was asking too much, explaining that it is his project not mine. He then commented he thought it was mine. Oops, misunderstanding. I will be figuring this out soon. Either way I stood up for myself, will not be walked on, and will clarify with him exactly what my part will be.

So on to the stuff I told myself to write about . . .

nightmare (stuff I was/not angry about - people upstairs, person in my past, job-clothes , books, hospital)

So I'm going to try and see how much I remember (4 days later, lol).

So, I apply for a job at some clothing store. I like the clothers or something stupid - I don't know. I think I was running from something as well - again I don't know.

The downstairs of this clothing store is very open and crsip clean yet trendy clothes. Then you can go up this spiral -very wide and barely a full circle so tending towards a spiral - staircase. Take in mond, again, this store is VERY open and spacey - almost like barnes and noble by way of size, but only 2 levels and there aren't any aisles.

While being shown around the clothing/book store (which during the dream did not connect in my mind as one store) someone from my past was with me - someone who was special to me, the closest thing I've had to a good stable relationship- and I'm not sure why, but apparently in this dream we were in a some sort of a relationship (though I'm not sure what - as you'll find out by my character confusion)

So upstairs are books, but only along the walls, b/c, again there are no aisles. I'm not sure what the center was like because next it skipped to me being in the hospital.

The special someone leaves me here - I think I'm hiding from someone and/or I actually need something done (I'm not sure) -but at this point I am both me and outside of me as well as being much older - grandma age, but the special someone is still young when I step out into the hall with just a t-shirt and underwear on - but my body is still young (so no clue why I felt like I was old in the dream) and the special person then looks at me and is like "no, no, you can't do that here" or "it's not that type of this place" or something like that - and he's in the role of a doctor.

He leaves and later I am running away - at first fighting with people who are trying to do something doctor/hospital like with me - again I dunno.

So then it switches to a completely separate dream except that the special person is still in it. So I am sleeping in a bed in his house - next to his bedroom - and I knock on his door to see if he is awake. He is so I come in and then there are 2 other girls who walk in. He's being all flirty and touchy feely (not sexual, but hugs, cuddling, etc.) with them.

I see that it's nice out (or something) and so I decide to go outside - in a bathingsuit (again, don't ask b/c I don't know). For some reason (which I don't remember now) I was going all around the yard, but it was muddy, so I was messing up the grass, as well as myself, but I do remember it was a whole hell of a lot of fun.

He, then of course comes outside and yells at me for messing up the grass or something. The messing up of the yard was by accident while having my fun. I try to talk to him, but instead of doing so I just yell at him like, basically inferring that here I was, coming back to him, attempting to show him how much I care, that I had been in love with him, and he didn't care - but that wasn't exactly what came out and I ended up just leaving bawling my head off.

This is not something that would happen in real life, which is the oddest part of my dream(s) my reactions to people in them.

The other part - which I'm not sure where within all above this happened, was that my neighbor whom in "real" or what I like to call "awake" life that decided to blast their music (I sleep about 1 foot from the ceiling and as is hear more than normal) and not turn it down even after 2 times of me asking politely and explaining I had to be up at 6am, knocking on the door to some room where I was watching TV and asking me to turn down the TV set. The way she asked it was all sarcastic "like, can you turn down your TV". I think I just turned it up or something, I did something to piss her off.

I only know this because the next morning when I was going through what happened in my dreams I realized none of the reactions were how I act in awake life.

NOTE: I just remembered in an ongoing/continuous dream that I have every once in a while - continous or ongoing only in the sense that it is almost like another life because different stuff happens, but it is the same mall(s), the same stores, and it progresses from the last dream usually - and there is often a negative undertone though, and I'm not sure why. yes I realize that is all very abstract - but it makes sense to me and I suddenly thought of it while I was remembering the store in this dream and felt I needed to get this down somewhere.

OK enough babble

Quick random thing then sleep. I have problems with telephones. Unless I am walking outside while on the phone (aka cell phone), I can't focus for very long. I need the person in front of me, otherwise my mind wanders to what I need to be doing that IS in front of me. That's why I love IM.


I hope everyone is well

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