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schizoid - a world of possibility
I believe - in a sense - that cheez a bit back was right

the "what is your mental problem" or something like that

and yet it's not that late. hmmm I'm getting , no not old, but I dunno.

Anyhow, on to my babble

Sometimes I just want to shut it out.

the world

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better for me to become an all out hermit. Tonight, as I watched a movie, I thought I would love to be an FBI or CIA undercover agent or even a spy. Something where you change identities and love different lives. Only I don't like the killing part.

I think that's why I've discovered the headphones I brought with me. It's nice to walk down the street and be in my own little world.

I also love friends, especially close ones.

I read all these journals, all your lives, and I feel.

Wonder, excitement, sadness, frustration, joy, tension, love, you name it, you put the feeling(s) on the page and from one story to the next it can change like *snap* that.

I feel crazy sometimes.

I go through e-mails and people seem to return them almost as quickly as I reply - the subject matter often making me smile. People make me smile.

And yet they return them much more quickly than I ever could. It's like having conversations ~ just stretched out over long periods of time.

This is my attempt to continue to have some sort of contact and brain infusing with ideas and such, sad and yet not so.


I love the stimulation of the city and yet am often overwhelmed by it.

This is nothing new, just me re-realizing it, as I do every so often.

It just scares me that my emotions can lead me so far astray from one another in just seconds, or less. I feel pulled in 20 million different directions. I want to be there, for each and every one. I also want to succeed in my career.

I've got to take my own advice. Take a break from lifeguarding, let someone else take over. I'm not the only one out there and I can't help anyone if I'm not ok.

When - if ever - do we allow ourselves to lean on someone else? Will I ever allow myself, even for a second?

I think Im, just typing to type right now, so . . .

I'll finish up.


OK, on a side note, when do you just not, or rather

I met someone the other night.

I meet people all the time.

I have conversations. This seems to be something I am good at.

Here is an e-mail I was sent.

Hola Elysa,

How are you? Hope that all is kewl. My name's
____. We met at ____ on ________. Did you enjoy
yourself? How was the rest of your weekend. As for
me, I went to NV Saturday night & had a blast!
Anyway, I wanted to say thanks. It was great to
have met you - you're a cool person and also very
cute. I'm sure that be it Broadway, or whatever your
heart may dream of, you'll be able to accomplish what
you set out to do. You're great, and I think that we
can become good friends too. I'd definitely love to
hang out with you again whenever you have the free
time. Perhaps we can go dancing together sometime,
and you could show me some moves! Well, feel free to
call me anytime or just shoot me an email. I'll be
looking forward to hearing from you. Until then, you
take care...

____ :D

As I have said many times I enjoy people. I find there is something in everyone worth spending time with.

This is a boy. There is a good chance he is looking for something more than just a friend. I'm not saying that is or is not the case, just a possiblity.

How am I supposed to respond to something like this without leading him on?

Should I respond?

I hope everyone is well


7 comments or Leave a comment
lordrexfear From: lordrexfear Date: November 4th, 2002 09:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's very hard to not lead someone on unless you are blunt that you tell the person that you just want to hang out as friends. Explain to him how busy you are, how many friends you need to keep track of on ocassion. Just be straight. Or don't even bother responding... one of the two, extremely straight forward or no contact.

I'm probably not the best for advice when I can't even begin to figure out my life right now... from hour to hour it feels like it changes... it's agonizing and crazy and scary and weird and destroying my brain slowly. At the same time it's invigorating and emotional and full of passion. I think I may try to work a poem about it.
eyeboogies From: eyeboogies Date: November 4th, 2002 09:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think your worries are well-founded. Very good. I'd say to ignore it...tracking you down took too much effort for him to not expect much.
From: nolf Date: November 4th, 2002 09:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
hmmm, i would say that from the email, he doesn't seem to have any expectations.

but he is a man.

and he did seek you out.

i'd say play it cool. be FRIENDLY, but not flirtatous.

it's up to him not to jump the gun, as long as you don't take it there.

if he can't do that, NEXT.

if he can, well, chill, and see where it goes.

sidenote: i have no idea of your prior interaction.

wait, another thought popped in my head.


that's a come-on

one done that he could deny it, if it ever came up.

from a man, that's a come-on. even if i said something like that, it's testing those waters.

be weary of that.
corto From: corto Date: November 4th, 2002 09:45 pm (UTC) (Link)


you're a big girl.
Assume the best, be concerned with your personal well being, and let life be interesting.

He could be charlie manson incarnate or he could have well intended motives and be a real sweet guy.

Just because you accepted a date with me, would not make me think you were going to put out, sexually. I mean, guys and girls need to meet. Waiting for nature to put people together makes for loads of lonely hearts. So people gotta try things.

He may just be trying an approach. On closer inspection he may not like you afterall... or you may find him remarkable! Either way, unless you want to wipe your hand across the steamed up mirror after a shower one morning and ask yourself, what if! you need to be open to the good in something like this.

That doesn't mean you toss caution a bone and dive in. I know it's fairly common to meet a guy like that with another couple, sort of a double date to check him out. Unless he's a dip, he'll like that because it would put you more at ease.

low_key From: low_key Date: November 4th, 2002 11:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, he's just going to be led on by your presence...
On a side note..."Kewl"?! Oh GOD!
moowazz From: moowazz Date: November 5th, 2002 07:01 am (UTC) (Link)

LOL, I was going to keep them in the same lj-cut and forgot to take that outta there

I hope you are well

sassenach From: sassenach Date: November 5th, 2002 08:06 am (UTC) (Link)
i think that you've had some good advice already. i will re-cap, though.

if you always think the "worst" of people, you will never make any new friends, is the bottome line. :) i didn't find the tone overly "come-on-ish" so i wouldn't necessarily feel like that was a "problem"--and as has been said, if it does, just make it clear that you are up for meeting lots of new interesting people who you can hang out with, but aren't necessarily interested in a sexual relationship.
no biggie.

have fun!
7 comments or Leave a comment