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Vulnerable - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
Vulnerable
All females, onesoul, piquancy (you actually saw some of this in a response) especially I think, would you give your opinion please? (I started listing, and realized the list was too long, so please don't be offended if I didn't type you specifically, I still value and would like your opinion.

Guys welcome too of course, I guess, I always seem to ask the male perspective, and yet I feel I am in that perspective for some odd reason, or in-between, or I dunno

rawr


So how do you know when to fight for a relationship? I guess I've become out of touch with my feminine side. I almost don't want to try anymore.

It's like right now (tomorrow I'll very likely feel differently, I may even regret typing this at all, ok not regret, but feel very vulnerable ~ not normal for me) I'm seeing this boy. I think I like him a lot. (to put it simply)

He is very different than anyone I know. He treats me very differently too. I also can't always read him so well. I'm almost at the point where I'm ready to just let go, in the sense of not try anymore.

I am quite content without him, but I am of course happier with him having a place in my life.

OK, here's what I've figured out. A casual relationship can only be good for a short period of time, well at least for me. After a while I need something more. I need to be able to, I dunno, see that it is more than just when we have time, but an effort to make time once in a while rather then just our schedules happen to match.

I feel like I'm at that breaking point in this relationship. I also, I'm not sure if it's actually that I can't read him, or that I read him too well.

I also know I am overanalyzing this and in the morning will think almost nothing of it, LOL.

Here, quick overview of things, sort of

Met him, enjoyed his company. I was "seeing" someone else at the time though, WKU soul. I thought nothing of a relationship at this point b/c I was quite happy.

WKU stopped having time for me, and we just didn't pass the breaking point (I think the one I'm at now).

Between the time I knew WKU soul and I were over and the time it finally happened (a span of somewhere b/twn a week and 2 weeks I think, I was hoping to do it in person, but, yeah anyhow) I had hung out with current beautiful soul about 5 times.

Random: What is it that changes so drastically when physical intimacy gets added into a relationship? I don't understand. People seem to want to be with others less, or try to make time for them less. Is it because they have accomplished their goal, the goal they never knew they had?

Maybe I'm not so happy as I think I am

and yet I am and that's just insecurity talking

also, how much/little do you compromise?

ERG

I tink I be talking (wow, it's late when I make the same spelling mistake 3 times in a row "tslking") to beautiful soul when I return

or maybe not, since tomorrow I will be completely fine again.

The other thing is if it were different it would be different.

I think I'm just craving a warm body to cuddle up in bed next to.

I also can't tell if he's holding back because he is scared too, or because he just doesn't want anything more than a very casual relationship.

Oh yeah, which takes me back to the general synopsis (whoops, I'm sorry this is really long)

So I went and hung out with him and he kissed me (YAY). Serious kiss, not like "catchya later" peck.

We then didn't see each other for over a week. We talked, we just didn't see each other.

Then we spent about 2 1/2 hours together this past Saturday. It was really nice too. And he kissed me good-bye, and not "serious" like before.

We hung out yesterday. Had lunch. Were going to walk to the river but wasn't time before my class. Kissed me again, serious this time, then I had class.

I'm not saying I need physical, in fact I somewhat like that he doesn't push for it all the time, it's more like we relate as people rather than a "couple" or 2 people in an intimate relationship.

So what confuses me is what DOES he want.

Yes, yes, I must ask.(him)

Sometimes I wonder if I overanalyze or push too much so that it won't work out. Again goes back to the how much/little do you compromise?

All I know is he makes me smile and I feel comfortable around him.

Maybe I'm too needy sometimes. :)~

This is exactly why I try to just not think about relationships. Then again, how healthy can it be to never want or need more or less or change? To always be content with whatever you get?


I'm going to sleep and dream so as not to overanalyze this anymore, LOL.


I am visiting my wonderful friend Ali tomorrow.

So, the rest of tonight was wonderful (minus the craving). Met many interesting people.

Oh oooh!

Member Johnny Depp Look alike? (There is a link on that page to the original story also) His name is Jason. I didn't talk to him other than asking if he had a brown leather briefcase and was wearinga nice brown suit (that I had commented on) the other day.

After he said "well it's a small world" I kinda didn't want to talk. It's like when you're a little kid and a costume character takes off their head, or you find out the tooth fairy isn't real.

There was waaaay too much of a gap between my excitement level and his. So I didn't try a conversation. I was tired anyhow. Twas still interesting.

I'm off to Massechooooossetts tomorrah (or later today) specifically Boston and at some point Salem (*WOOHOO*)

I hope everyone is well.

:)~
5 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
sassenach From: sassenach Date: October 25th, 2002 07:11 am (UTC) (Link)

i will chime in a bit here and say that yes, you are probably over-analyzing things (don't worry, i'm prone to it as well); and that you should RELAX and take it day by day. it is early in the "relationship" and he is probably feeling the same way as you re: not knowing what this will turn out to be. so just have fun together and see what happens--you are young and that is what this time is for! if you enjoy his company, then spend time with him; tell him that you like spending time with him. let it happen "naturally" which i know is hard a lot of the time, because you are always thinking about "where will this lead?" but try not to and just have FUN~~that is most important right now.

hth

(you know where i am if you need to chat more)
From: brave_heart Date: October 25th, 2002 08:05 am (UTC) (Link)

Not much help.

I agree, but only to a point. Too much "relaxing" can give the impression of not being interested. It's sort of a tight rope, I think, between (1)scaring off a commitment-cautious man by trying to define where you "are" too soon, and (2) not taking any risks, leading him to believe you don't think there's a possibility of a deeper relationship.
From: piquancy Date: October 25th, 2002 08:42 am (UTC) (Link)
just ask him...

why not?

I eman...seriously.

Steven and I discussed things...but...I was very clear....(I'm very straight forward and honest...gnerally speaking..)..that I am a "relationship" girl....I do not do the "casual" thing anymore....(y-es...I'm only 22...but I ahve had more..umm..."physical" experience than many I know whom are older...).....and he liked me...and we talked...and we discussed things...and began to become closer...

and then.....one day...he picked me up from the airport.....I walked up to him...we kissed....
we walked out holding hands...
and he asked me to be his girlfriend........

OPEN COMMUNICATION is key.

be completely open and honest....none of the "I don't want to scare him off" dealie...that's silly...be open......because....you won't regret it......because if he is scared off by you being honest........would you have wanted somebody easily frightened to begin with?...Nope.
From: nolf Date: October 25th, 2002 10:20 am (UTC) (Link)
you said it all. you need to talk to him.

right now, you have preconceived notions of what's going on. but really what's going on is not that. it isn't what he sees is going on either.

what is going on, is a combination of both of your thoughts, ideas, and intentions.

they will never match or line up or blossom as long as you are silent about yours, and oblivious to his.

we all fear this part. you are afraid of what that person is and is not thinking and feeling. but not knowing, and letting it creep up on you, can be far more destructive than dissapointment.

take it from me.

i should have talked to karyn when i had the chance:)

it'll eat away at you, til you're insane.

talk to him.
onesoul From: onesoul Date: October 25th, 2002 06:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
What I'm about to say probably won't help. You will probably roll your eyes and want to punch me in the mouth... but you ALREADY know what you want to do. You *do*. Sweetie, you have a gut reaction a feeling. You already know. Your conscious mind is filtering looking for reasons either way to back up what you already know you feel. So, I would take a long bath or anything that is totally relaxing and just sit with yourself. Really listen to yourself, you may already even know the answer as I type all this out. And then... just go with it. Your unconscious knows what is best and what you want either way. Don't let things get in the way. Go with whatever the answer is and fly.. .then of course let us know *smile*
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