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What is up with me??? - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
What is up with me???
Where has all my energy gone? For some reason I have been drained lately. My guess is lack of class or rehearsal rather. I've been putting things off and not caring a LOT (ex: depositing in the bank. I was THERE (ok directly across the street) today and just didn't feel like doing it, so I didn't. It's not like I had to walk either they have a drive through and I was in my car. ex2: memorizing my lines. I keep putting it off, even though I KNOW I need to do that. Kinda a must for doing a play. I've highlit=ghted them, that's about it).

I think my depressiveness part of my bi-polarness has caught up with me. Attitude can only stay for so long. I guess instead of making me depressed it has just drained my energy. I think I tried to explain before when bi-polar, at least in my experience, the effect comes and then you try to find a cause. Like I used to find myself depressed and try to explain it ~ though they weren't really causes of it since some came about afterwards even. Same with the manic part, I would laugh uncontrollably at the stupidest stuff b/c my laughter (or manic) needed an outlet. (Now it just happens when I'm really, Really, REALLY tired. tee hee).

I keep hearing the doorbell and laughing to myself, or at myself rather, everytime now. I heard it a few times and kept wondering to myself "who IS that"? Well then I snapped into reality "well d-UH, it's halloween sill".

Anyways, so I MUST snap myself out of this. I keep trying. Evey night lately I've almost rathered stay home and just sleep and dissappear. Not because I'm depressed but because I'm not exstatic about anyone right now~that's not true, just very few~and hence don't really want to go out much. I'm finding, again, I'm correct about too many people and my prediction of the extreme challenge it is to find truly good, no I should say objective people. Or at least those who are willing to attempt objectivity (this is the simplest way I can describe it).

Well I better call my friend I'm supposed to go out with tonight. OK I"m giving myself a goal to meet at least 3 new people (and that does not include the 20 or so I'm gonna meet from the "group" of people we're supposedly going with).

YEs I am whining. It's my quarterly whine k? LOL (You whine all the time~that's what yer thinking right? You're probably right too).

Got the urge, sorry That's a link to the words to "A**hole by Denis Leary (Even though it's right above this tee hee) it came on and I just felt like typin the words. I have the words to Extraordinary by Better then ezra on my comp if anyone wants them. I love that song.

Oh yeah! This is one of my headshost, though much smaller and somewhat cut-off version.

LAter alls

meez :)~

Current Mood: confused confused
Current Music: elton john - Funeral For A Friend

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Comments
From: nolf Date: October 31st, 2001 06:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
:)
you might want to look at the things and people in your life (objectively), and label each thing and person as either drain, or gain. drains are important, cause they need you. gains are important cause you may need them, and you need the gain, before you help a drain.

as a general rule, i always have 2 gains, for every drain (depending on the size of each).

just try to evaluate things like that. maybe someone you dearly care about is sucking the life outta you:)
moowazz From: moowazz Date: November 1st, 2001 02:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re:

You are very right. Unfortunately it is VERY hard for me to find gains, or to gain. I am too giving of a person. This does not mean I will let anyone walk over me, but I am picky at who I will be close with ~ hence who I gain from. I do attempt to gain something from everyone, even drains (weird to explain if you understand any of this, LOL).

Thanks

:)~
morgaine From: morgaine Date: October 31st, 2001 10:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

Hi!

I have no idea when you added me to your friend's list, but I added you to mine so you can read my more recent stuff, which I've made friends only just for privacy and the like, you know?

what play are you working on? forgive me for not going back tonight and reading all of your other entries, I really must go get some sleep, but I'm interested to know! :)
moowazz From: moowazz Date: November 1st, 2001 02:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Hi!

I'm doing Anton in Show business. It's a good play. Have you heard of Chekov's Three Sisters? It's kinda a sub-plot to the play if you have. It's acomedy and pretty good though. :)~
schwack From: schwack Date: November 1st, 2001 01:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Hmm, so do I count or not? You'll have to check the journal entry that I'm going to have to write after I'm done with this, it should be amusing to say the least :)
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