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Calm - a world of possibility
It amuses me, for I am not hurting, as I would have been only some months ago.

I spent the day with a kind soul buried beneath an ego, or something, I'm not quite sure. Not so much an ego to show off and not be enjoyable to be around, but rather, the senses are not open.

In my opinion when one is open, even if they do not particularly enjoy something under normal circumstances, if they are with someone who enjoys it, they too will enjoy it firstly because it makes the other person happy, secondly because they will feel the joy, or at least some of it, that the other person creates.

Anyhow, it was a lovely day overall.

Saw "All My Loved Ones" at the Quad (a movie theater), the movie did not start for some time, so there was coffee, jellybeans (the jellybeans continued through the movie) and talking preceding the movie.

Following the movie there was Afghani (SP?) cuisine- a first for both- and then a trip to Kim's.

I was introduced to a new director. I enjoyed the movie very much.

Followed by my Uncle's movie.

too much film for one day probably, but quite enjoyable-all leading up to the result, physical contact. Physica does not= sex (just for clarification purposes)

anyone who knows me well knows I am not a touchy feely person.

Well I tried last night. I enjoyed the closeness, the warmth, the ability to finally fall asleep without my mind racing, but otherwise there was emptyness. An odd calm.

Maybe this is what most feel who "date". Or maybe not.

It is not something I wish to experience again.

Just for clarification purposes: this was not closeness with the wonderful soul I had been hoping to share my closeness with, but I am glad about that. I shall be able to continue enjoying his company.

So I have found another lesson learned, another thing for the book of me that does not work. Not to say it is wrong, or bad or anything. It just isn't for me. :)

The search goes on.
Only it's not a search, it's more just taking notice.

I'm not too worried.
I have too much to do as is and too little time.

When I finally decide to be with someone, to relate as more tha a friend, he will be very special, I know this now. He wil respect, care, inspire, and be inspired by me. It will be different. There is something, I can't explain it, when the intentions of a soul are pure.


I am happy inside to learn that I have grown up and can make something good from this.

I am back to sleep

I hope everyone is well.

1 comment or Leave a comment
lordrexfear From: lordrexfear Date: August 18th, 2002 09:07 am (UTC) (Link)

Revelation make the heart go sunder
They make the mind free
and as shakles are dropped
you shall be allowed to be free
free to roam free

If only it was easier to figure out
and come to conclusions
without complications
This is not always
to be though

I'm glad you are calm, instead of distressed though, it's all growth and we are all growing, all the time... you know of what I speak :) (and I don't mean that, go with the more sincere heart considerations!)
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