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Pressures felt from within - a world of possibility
Pressures felt from within

I feel so much better after typing this.



~*~ . . . . . . . . . . . ~*~

The letter

just wanted to say, and I realize words will not do it justice, how appreciative I am for all your support.

I really hate having to ask you for money. And I realize I have been known to slack off, especially when I was with Chris, but what you haven't seen, or maybe you have, is what I've done since then. Even when I was with him, at one point I was working 2 jobs and going to school and attempting to have a relationship (chris), and relationships (with friends).

I often take on too much, but that's what energizes and invigorates me, learning. Like when I went to the school yesterday, I had been feeling a bit, not lost, but I had been missing something I had at home. I have some close friends I've left at home and get much of my inspiration and energy simply from being around them and having really good conversations. I always want to be growing and learning as a person. When I stepped into that school, as whenever I step in any higher learning establishment, I felt what I had been missing that I had gotten to some degree with my friends.

As for the Spanish class. Once I start working, if I make enough, I will pay you back for the class. I realize it's not very practical for an actor. When I was in the psychology office yesterday, or the office that includes psychology under their branch, for a few minutes afterwards, I was trying to think if I could fit it into my schedule.

After I left the building I completely realized that it wasn't practical and it wasn't what I wanted to do. I have more than enough to accomplish. I'm already impatient with the many many many things I want and need to get done to become a working actor.

I hate not working. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I also hate asking for money.

Yes, logically, seeing how I've been working the last 3 years, almost straight through, while going to school, I shouldn't. I looked at my resume I put together for bartending and realized I had been working and going to school full time.

I do work hard, I try my best, and do as much as I can, while still trying to be patient, tell myself it's ok to relax sometimes, it's necessary to have friends, and yet in the back of my mind I still never feel I'm doing enough. So when I try to relax it's very hard.

I guess I write this because I don't want you to ever think I don't appreciate all you do for me. I also don't want you to ever think I am just using you for your funds or anything like that. I also don't want to make you feel guilty, pity, sorry for me, anything. I just want you to understand.

I'm not sure if I've gotten everything out or gotten my point across, but I need to stop typing because I need to work in my monologues.

My point, simply, was to let you know I appreciate you and everything you have, do, and will give me.

Love your daughter,
Elysa :)

To laugh often and love much...to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one's self...this is to have succeeded
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

All I know is that I know nothing
~ Socrates

~*~ . . . . . . . . ~*~

OK, now I must go work!

I hope everyone is well

1 comment or Leave a comment
lordrexfear From: lordrexfear Date: August 8th, 2002 11:02 am (UTC) (Link)
I hope the works all comes in handy. I would like to be here for you if you ever need be. If theres one thing I love being... it's a friend. :)
1 comment or Leave a comment