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Family - a world of possibility
This is from the other day.

My brother, whom I love dearly, decided to visit.

I'm somewhat dissappoinnted in him though. He grew up so much at school.

Since then he has grown down(-?-). He has fallen into some of hisold ways.

I believe part of the problem is the people he surrounds himself with. It is incredib;y hard to find people at is age with high morals, standards, self-esteem, good ethics/values who also aren't oppresive or overly religous.

I found I was confused, frustrated, sympathetic, so many things.

I couldn't express anything I was feeling.

I think part of it was the rush - he called last nightto see if he could visit & crash here - no former notice so I felt overwhelmed.

He fell into old patterns, I'm not sure to what extent, meaning I'm not sure if he's doing drugs (weed I think was all he did before) and drinking and therefore I didn't want to relate to him in the same manner as I used to - it was unhealthy.

I also wasn't sure if I could relate to him like I had been.

Then there's the fact that I would get annoyed at stupid things, mainly because I felt invaded on -he's my brother so I couldn't NOT let him stay over, but he also didn't call ahead of time and didn't even ask until like the 3rd time we talked that night.

The 2nd day I asked if everything was OK. He said yes.

The night before he had told me something.

He told me he was mugged.
He told me he knew the kid.
He told me his friend was supposed to sell the kid weed.

I don't know.

Here is my deal with drugs/

I choose not to do them.
You can choose what you ike, I'm not going to preach either way.

If you decide to do weed once in a while, or even more often, if you are stil productive and can function and have goals/aspirations that you are working toward then that's fine.

I see it as I see alcohol.

Anything more than that, I most likely (key words most likely-not definitely, not written in stone) won't realte much with you. Not because you are a bad person - I have no right to make ANY judgement -just that we rarely are in the same place ~mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially~ where either of us will enjoy, learn, or benefit from each other's company.

It's kind of like someone who doesn't like spicy food trying to enjoy a meal with someone who loves mexican food. It can be done, but not as easily or to the full extent that it can be with someone who does enjoy spicey food. On the other hand there are some benifits, like learning to respect and enjoy other new foods.

Anyhow, I've enough of my own stuff to worry about. I need to be patient, breath, take things one step at a time.

OK, time for me to sleep.

I've got some phone calls to make tomorrow.
Sorry to those I haven't contacted in a bit, I've been really busy.
Ex: I left my apt at 9:30AM and came back home after 12:30AM

I hope everyone is well.

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