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ARGH - a world of possibility
My brain has turned onto overload again. I'm hoping it's just close to that time of the month (sorry for those of you who are male).

I think I want to go back into hybernation, into my little box where I can just observe and be observed, no hurt, no complexities, no nothing. ERG

Everything was so good, I was being so good, why do I become a blithering idiot.

Anywho before I continue on my ranting I must add this little note . . .

My sister asked me about boys tonight, now don't go telling her or talking to her about it (those of you who know me in RL), I of all people am probably the last one to ask, LOL. Maybe I'll post the conversation at the end of this entry.

How do you explain things to a 10 year old? I dunno. You can judge for yourself, I will post at the bottom.

So back to me (yes this journal is mine and hence about me).

So basically I want back in the box.

I was looking back at some of my memories Paradox of my life (AKA babble) I still need to leran that as much of an independent as I am, I will never learn on my own as much as I could by using the resources the world gives me.

And again I go to the words from Dido

Honestly OK" by Dido

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
but I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore
On a different day if I was safe in my own skin
then I wouldn't feel so lost and so frightened
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin

And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again

some of it doesn't apply but the part about wanting to feel safe in my own skin (or in my case my own mind) b/c I just don't know how to feel sometimes or what to make of things in my life or in my mind.

I find this refreshing and optimizing (as in giving me inspiration to feel optimistic, my own word, k?)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Week of April 25, 2002

On your behalf, I invoke the inspiration of all shedding things. Your tree of power shall be the eucalyptus, whose bark peels away to reveal a fresh layer beneath. Your magical symbol will be the molting snake. You will have a secret bond with the silverfish, an insect that bursts through its exoskeleton as it grows a new and bigger one. As you prepare for your season of casting off the old skin, Taurus, I exhort you to learn from these role models; I urge you to realize that the shedding process is natural, and that any discomfort you feel as you lose your old surface will be followed by a brisk sense of renewed elasticity.

and in case you are reading this (you'll know who you are) I thought maybe this'll give you some thoughts . . .

LEO (July 23-Aug 22)

Week of April 25, 2002

Five planets are now hanging out together in the same little cozy patch of sky. Look to the west just after sunset and you'll see Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. According to astronomer Robert C. Victor, we won't witness a similar spectacle again until 2060. And what does this mass gathering of heavenly bodies bode for you? It means you should brainstorm about your career, finish up old business for good, and supercharge your social network with the sweetest discipline you can muster.

anywho . . .

Oh, so I get a phone call from one of my ex's moms and she is tlaking to me, like having a conversation. It was odd. I think they felt like I was family, I mean I got along fairly well with them and grew accustomed to their quirks :) It was weird.

And as for my sister and my conversation, well I shut the window "DOH".

OK, off to karaoke. Maybe singing will clear my head, the shower almost did it, but not quite. I think the singing and adrenaline and other stuff may be that extra jolt to set my mind working again. :)

I hope everyone is well.

1 comment or Leave a comment
musus From: musus Date: April 25th, 2002 02:49 am (UTC) (Link)
I know it doesn't mean much (in a tangable, help to make you feel better-sort of way), but I just want you to know in my mind, I'm giving you a really big, long hug. And in real life, almost all of my positive energy (gotta keep some to keep me goin through exams) is headed for you. We've know one another for what? about six months now? I don't think I've ever grown to be such good, true, genuine friends with someone as I have with you. You're a terrific friend, an amazing individual, and one of the few people I wouldn't think twice about running back into a burning building for. I just want you to know you're special to me, and that doesn't go away.
1 comment or Leave a comment