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I've been wronged, I've been dumped into the bottom of every bottle - a world of possibility
I've been wronged, I've been dumped into the bottom of every bottle
I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. By tomorrow things will be all sorted out agian in my brain, but as for tonight, as I said to someone at work: I don't hate anyone except myself.

It's true, and it's very sad. I had a long day to begin with, then someone, actual to be specific, Mr. Rockstar, had a drink at the bar. I didn't say hello, I didn't even make eye contact. I did not want to. As anyone who knows me well knows, if I cared enough about someone to still want them in my lives (this is for dating) I would still be with the person.

It's my own faut, I knew there wouldn't be a relationship, on the other hand, erg, this isn't even what I'm trying to say, because in the end, this has nothing, I repeat,nothing, to do with him, except that he made me realize the things I already knew about myself even more so than before.

I beat myself up for not being the person I hope to be. I then get upset at myself for being a complaining, whiny, person and to just shut up and be who I want to be, it's that simple. And it's a vicsious cycle. I'm using him as an example.

"Why do people who choose to be in relationships, why are they sooo inconsiderate. There should be a ruke or something, if you can't treat someone with respect and take their feelings into account, fine, but do NOT try to start a relationship with them then."

"Elysa, shut up, you knew from the start it was a major possibility and you also knew it wasn't going to be serious ESP. since he didn't have everything you need."

"You're right, but why do I still do it?"

"I dunno, maybe to re-inforce your goals within a relationship"

"Why can't I just be like everyone else, in the sense of wnts and needs in a relationship, I mean why do I have to be so picky. Why, errrg. IT hurts so much, even though, I don't know"

"Who cares, you now know, as you knew before, you just once again proved yourself right, that you are a relationship type person and have to know people better or else you will get hurt"

And so on, that's just about relaitonships.

I just feel like complaining about my day now, so, as always, this is for me, myself, I, so if you don wanna read it, skip along. :)

This is in no particular order, just what comes to mind

1 )I'm nervous about my audition for my school, it's next week!
2) I'm nervous about money issues
3) I made practically nothing during lunch today, I mean I got a freaking $0.03 tip!
4) I agreed to work a double (Why? Because I need the money and I'm psycho)
5) I'm still bugged I couldn't train to be a bartender
6) I haven't paid much attention to anyone, haven't even attempted to make plans with almost anyone. I just haven't wanted to go anywhere. I haven't seen or talked to some people in like forever.
7) Did I mention my audition is NEXT WEEK!
8) Why the hell am I being so whiney
9) The song I'm listening to right now (not the one listed) reminds me of one of my exes
10) Almost no one helped me with my food tonight. That's one reason I like day better, they're usually better at everything being a group effort, if there is food and you can, run it. It doesn't have to be yours. When you get the selfish people who only worry about their food it sucks.
11) Even though I was first cut, I still didn't leave until 11:30 and I believe I was one of the last people other than closers still there.
12) Mr. Rockstar showed up at work. RRRRRRG
13) While racking silverware (which is sposed to be done by closers, but I wanted to get out of there) I re-cut the cut on my finger, twice.
14) I spilled stuff all over me while emptying the trash. Luckily 2 people were nice enough to help me with. I still ended up doing 2 by myself.
15) MY feet HURT!!!!!!!!!
16) I need to be at work at 10:30 instead of 11, meaning I need to get up at 9:00 instead of 9:30
17) Again, my freaking audition and getting into school and allll that. Of which, I just remembered I need a personal statement. What;s the difference between a personal statement and an essay?

I will be fine tomorrow, or in the morning, whatever.

I hope everyone is well.

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Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: Five for Fighting - Do You Mind