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Ok, so I scare myself - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
Ok, so I scare myself
First off, a little humor

I swear there is a law about me receiving phone calls.

I have to be

a) sleeping causing me to
i: forget the conversation
ii: be incoherent and sound like an idiot
b) be in the shower causing me to stand sopping wet dripping water on the floor and
freezing
c) out
i: at work
ii: in a movie
iii: elsewhere where I cannot be reached on my cell
d) being invited to do things I am unable to do (for whatever reasons)

or any combination of these.

Now

So yeah. I finally was 100% happy again with being on my own. I mean V-day was GREAT and I wasn't with anyone. This was the first year, ever, I was happy in V-day.

Well, I had gotte myself to realize myself and my goals come first, a relationship can come later, there will always be time. I was putting all effort towards my goals (currently getting into Tisch ~ which requires finding some kick-butt monologues, and doing them well to boot).

So then I went to see a friend of my friend's sing. I kinda had doubts about going. This was the 3rd time I went. I saw myself possible falling into traps of an old pattern. My friend's friend, whom I will currently call Joe, and I got along really well.

The first time I met him he did this Ladie's man impression almost the entire night. I was cracking up the whole time. I saw there was an attraction that with the old me probably would have led (SP?) to me staying after my friend left, hanging out with Joe, and ending up fooling around, which would then lead to us dating. Or, as what happened the last time of my pattern, telling him it was a mistake the next time I saw him.

Actually I seem to be getting better each time I see my pattern. This is good. Not only has nothing happened yet, it took 3 meetings with much chatting before even exchanging numbers and before me staying on my own without our mutual friend.

So here's the deal. The last guy this sort of thing happened with and I hung out with, things were not quite clear. This time not only did I make them clear, but it seems he has some possible similar views.

This is good and bad.

As with those of my friends whom when first met and went down the "checklist", yes this sounds bad, maybe I should explain first. I know what I need in a relationship. I therefore will notice if someone has any of these. If they do not, this does not mean they are a bad person or that I look down on them or anything. "Different strokes, for different folks". I know what I need, as others know what they want/need.

So basically once in a while I will meet someone an they stand no where on the checklist because something, actually, until this past time, it was a physical attraction where I got into this troubling pattern.

OK, again, clarification, or rather explanation, this all makes sense to me, if you truly would like to understand ask.

To begin with, I no longer seem to fall for the physical attraction pattern at all anymore. I notice, but it goes for nothing. This time it was a "goofy, fun, silly, no-mask" personality which attracted me in a way that those few physical attractions did.

I saw this and took precautions (not being there without my friend, not flirting, not being forward) so as not to give the wrong impression at all.

ONE: So far so good. We have now exchanged phone numbers and seem to be on the same page. JUST friends. PLUS he feels similarly about doing anything physical. Similar because I don't think ANYONE I know feels the same. He agrees that one night stands or even just fooling around with anyone you don't know is stupid, there needs to be more.

Other part of my brain: Well he's a guy, he could be saying all this to get into your pants.

VERY good point, and VERY plausible. Hence don't get too overwhelmed or overjoyed about it, just take note and watch what he does and see if it matches what he says.

TWO: Next, a girl whom I just met, actually she came over and started talking with he and I (she knows him) stayed seated with me while he was singing. She said that he was a really sweet person and a really good friend.

take note. This is from random girl.

Other part of brain: He could have wanted someone to say something good

first part of brain: too short notice and so far he has not shown anything to that sort of thinking.

Same girl invited me over with other friends to sit.

THREE: He gave me his knife he had bought that day. This was thoughtful because there was meaning behind it, and there was no, hmmm, few people do things like that.

Other part of brain: don't get swept away by something that may be nothing. So I shall not, again just take note.

FOUR: Called me today. He was not I repeat NOT supposed to do that. Part of my rationalization, so as not to get swept away (my mind was racing last night, or 2 nights ago) is to find something on the check list that does not get checked off.

RANDOM my cat just picked up my slipper (Eeyore, Eyore?) and took it across the room in her mouth. IT was quite amusing. OK back on track now.

Art of my train of thought from the other night.

OK, why did I come tonight? Why is this person coing into my life JUST when everything was good again? Maybe I am ready. Maybe is ould be ok to date someone, and just be accepting. Maybe with both our goofyness and quirkyness, we might be alright. Something just seems to *click*.

No Elysa, be objective. He is a boy. OK that's bad, but unfortunately it's true. If I were a guy I would be thinking the opposite. I believe it's just for memebers of the opposite sex.

Basic point, I cannot get carried away. I see what it does. I will not fall into old patterns. He will miss something, just like everyone so far has, and therefore we will be able to be friends and I will have gotten past the supposed *click* between us, as I have with those VERY few (like 3 in my life, 1 since my vow) I for some reason did not get past the physical attraction.

OK, no problem.


So yeah, basically that strategy was good until he CALLED. He was not supposed to call. No boys call the next day. They wait a few days, or even a week.

So now I am having to be even more objective. It is good though. I am learning much!

We shall see when we hang out.

I hope everyone is well

:)~
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Comments
From: eternityknight Date: February 16th, 2002 11:26 am (UTC) (Link)

Is this the guy

Is this the guy who thought I was giving him the look? Because if it is, my spider sense is tingling. Then again, after a long LONG evening/morning of discussion with my homeslice, I can attest with about 75% accuracy to being biased now. =/
Caveat.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: February 16th, 2002 02:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Is this the guy

1) What does caveat mean?
2) I will keep that in mind either way. :)

Yep, I think that is all.

:)~
From: eternityknight Date: February 16th, 2002 05:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Is this the guy

Caveat means Be wary within the heart's eye, or as it is more commonly corrupted in English, Beware.
the_end_effect From: the_end_effect Date: February 16th, 2002 11:32 am (UTC) (Link)
You have your head organised.
I like that.
4 comments or Leave a comment