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Another thing - a world of possibility
moowazz
moowazz
Another thing
Must get this out so I can go slip easily into my wonderful world of dreams.

I'm too lazy to write it in my Pixie Pages tonight.

I also, I think I may want feedback.


So

I have decided to end my experiment (ok, after tomorrow, I need trees and, i don't know, just cause! things don't always make sense).

Thank you for pushing me to think tonight magpiegeese I need that sometimes. And you did it exactly how I try to get others to, you asked questions, challenged, but in the end I made a decision.

Anyhow, I hope I don't hurt kind soul under big ego, though I'm thinking in reality it won't make a difference to him, LOL.

In the broader sense of relationships, well I'm scared. I'm scared of myself.

It's not an overpowering issue in my life right now, because as I've mentioned I don't have the time nor the energy to focus on any sort of relationship currently.


What I worry is that when I do have my career on it's way, and I am ready to look for a relationship, I won't know what to do.

I am very picky. I know there are a few things I need to have which few people offer.

Even when finding all that I need, I wonder how to find someone honest, caring, who wants to be close and intimate with me for me, and no other reason. Who feels so deeply about me, as I have felt, someone who will reciprocate the feelings.

I worry that no one will be able to give me the time and energy and caring to the extent that I need. Not because they don't care, but rather, there are few who seem capable, or rather, everyone is capable, but as they have grown up and live in the society we live in, it is often subdued.

We are taught not to show our feelings, to be careful, boys too often grow into men who are not shown how much more there is to being with someone other then just "getting off" in one form or another, and therefore don't aspire to anything more, because they don't know there's anything more (I must give credit to
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Must get this out so I can go slip easily into my wonderful world of dreams.

I'm too lazy to write it in my Pixie Pages tonight.

I also, I think I may want feedback.


So

I have decided to end my experiment (ok, after tomorrow, I need trees and, i don't know, just cause! things don't always make sense).

Thank you for pushing me to think tonight <lj user="magpiegeese"> I need that sometimes. And you did it exactly how I try to get others to, you asked questions, challenged, but in the end <i>I</i> made a decision.

Anyhow, I hope I don't hurt kind soul under big ego, though I'm thinking in reality it won't make a difference to him, LOL.

In the broader sense of relationships, well I'm scared. I'm scared of myself.

It's not an overpowering issue in my life right now, because as I've mentioned I don't have the time nor the energy to focus on any sort of relationship currently.

<lj-cut text="Rambling about something I'm not even wanting currently, but will one day need to worry bout, amusing">
What I worry is that when I do have my career on it's way, and I am ready to look for a relationship, I won't know what to do.

I am very picky. I know there are a few things I need to have which few people offer.

Even when finding all that I need, I wonder how to find someone honest, caring, who wants to be close and intimate with me for <i>me</i>, and no other reason. Who feels so deeply about me, as I have felt, someone who will reciprocate the feelings.

I worry that no one will be able to give me the time and energy and caring to the extent that I need. Not because they <i>don't </i> care, but rather, there are few who seem capable, or rather, everyone is capable, but as they have grown up and live in the society we live in, it is often subdued.

We are taught not to show our feelings, to be careful, boys too often grow into men who are not shown how much more there is to being with someone other then just "getting off" in one form or another, and therefore don't aspire to anything more, because they don't <i>know</i> there's anything more (I must give credit to<lj-user="magpiegeese"> for that last statement, it made a lot of things click into place).

I realize, trying to find a"formula" does not work. My mind doesn't agree, it keeps telling me there should be some way, LOL, but I realize there's not.

Anyhow, just some ramblings from lately. Thought I'd share my train of thought.

I think it's more because I am looking a lot at how people relate to each other often as male and female rather then just people.

I have hope that I'll figure it out eventually. I have a while to do so
.
.
.
I've a career to start!!!

:D
</lj-cut>

Now time for sleep.

I have an interview with an agency and an audition tomorrow.

think good thoughts.

<lj-user="Nolf">, I do hope your friend is alright.

I hope everyone is well.

:)~
4 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
(Deleted comment)
moowazz From: moowazz Date: August 30th, 2002 11:08 pm (UTC) (Link)

So

the next questions being . . .

How do we instill in women that they don't have to get that aspect only in men, they can get it from each other too?

How do we instill in men that there is so much more to women then just a way to calm their horomones, that there is a person underneath that?

And everything connected and in-between?

Also . . .

For women (since that's what I am) when do you know it's right to let go? How do you know that they are actually with you for you and not what you can do in the physical pleasure sense for them?


There're prolly more questions but it's too late for me to think, LOL.

I hope you are well.

:)
lordrexfear From: lordrexfear Date: August 30th, 2002 10:36 am (UTC) (Link)
I want to say something here. I actually can be a very good at doing this stuff, I just need to know someone is comfortable enough to do it with me.

On your opinions of the pickiness... I know that the good men are very rare, the ones who have been raised well enough and not gotten into this state of "sex, sex, sex" of being empathetic and that a relationship is not a game of give & take, but just is give & take without a game. I know this though, when it happens it won't be difficult, it may be complicated, because this is the world we live in. I've watched enough movies and they are scarily very representative of how complicated love can be. Complicated is good, difficult, uncomfortable... not good.

Okay, I have plenty more I can say on this... maybe someday I will, but thinking about it right now is probably NOT the best thing for me.

I hope you are well, I'll see you soon.
moowazz From: moowazz Date: August 30th, 2002 11:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

A)Good at doing what stuff?

B) Only discuss as much as you like

C) Same questions I asked magpiegeese If you feel like it.

If not I completely understand.

I hope you are well

:)
(Deleted comment)
moowazz From: moowazz Date: August 30th, 2002 11:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

LOL

thank you

just be honest with everyone in your life.

I hope you are well

:)~
4 comments or Leave a comment